Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

Its a phrase form a book for its last edition, but I came across it few days back when one of my friend directed me to listen a speech by Steve Jobs to Stanford's Scholar in 2005. the speech was all about his 3 stories of his life which were surely very inspiring but the the magical ending was the with the comment that "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish". Initially I was surprised, what it really mean to be, then i got it! If you want to grow stay hungry for knowledge, stay curious and that curiosity should be of innocent and naive. there shouldn't be anything which can guide you or make you biased in learning. And as long as you are hungry and foolish, no one stop you from achieving you goal.

Limits of Love and Degree of Friendship

We need everything measurable in this world, Success, dream desire, friendship and even the love along with the material things. And measurement brings the standardisation, degree and limits for all. How come relations of hearts can be manhandled by tools of mind I don't know. But in today's quick-start world people want everything ready made and predefined. Bad for all!
A Bashir Badr sher comes in my memory:

Parakhna Mat-Parakhne Mein Koyii Aapna Nahiin Rehta

Kissi Bhii Aaeene Mein Der Tak Chehra Nahiin Rehta

Breaking of Dream and Breaking of Desire

Its like question of burning with fire or with steam, what is more painful and hearting...Everyone seems crying some for there broken dreams as if they want to stay asleep always, others for broken desires which they made. Whatever, but anything without solid foundation and action going to break only. The Star Thrower story from Loren Eiseley which I learnt during a management program in my on job training still in my memory:

Vision without action is merely a dream.
Action without vision just passes the time
Vision with action can change the world.

Quest of the Real Self

This world, which looks to be the factory outlet of God...we keep moving in quest of some unknown destination which ends up with our end only and finally mean the same of everyone here. Are we all made to achieve different goals of life showing no synchronisation, or we all are working for the same goal, just with different part. If it is same for everyone, then what is that? Aren't we killing our own happiness by imposing more and more obligations over ourselves, of which none are natural. Culture, religion, caste, country, we want to adopt as many things as possible which make us involved in activities other than all what we want for ourself. Sometime I feel we are all although living our own life, but living someone else wishes, dreams and desires which may not value now. Anyway, atleast I know I need to look for me to realise my real self.

The Stats of Life

I was reading about the assignable and unassignable cause in stats which make the process more robust and reliable towards application. The same stats applies to the process of life were every aspect has an assignable or sometime unassignable cause towards it, and so are the people and the relationships around us. We can count dozens of people around us whom we feel to be loving us…really, isn't it? When I say love I didn't mean to the one which occurs commonly in Bollywood movies. Anyway, and against each name we can put a reason or the assignable cause of love which we feel is there. I still remember a neighboring aunty was how sweet as long as her phone call used to come at my home..We used to say it phoon ka rista, then and after it ended. So, this big list will definitely have a bigger part of these complementary names and the causes and the little few with name without unassignable cause. But contrary to other processes these unassignable ones which mean the most in process of life. Some name it as their true love and accept like that, some still keep searching the reason, the search which ends only by the time it's too late!

Nationalism fido

I big argument started in my mind few days back when in an informal discussion one of my colleague said, "the idea of nationalism is waste, how old it is, not even a few decades?". The discussion ended then and there itself but it gave me a point to think about, which I also agreed lately. Our school old pledge of...all Indians are brothers and sisters, isn't giving us a foundation for the the wall which we create in life later towards the rest of world and slowly that tendency makes us to make some more walls for insiders. It's OK that some are brothers and sisters but why aren't others. The crop of most of the terrorism across world have grown over the same soil of intellectual partitioning in our mind on the name of nationalism. Do we really need to be classified as a nation or a region or so...isn't it true that whatever, wherever we are we always like to relate ourselves with the root and the idea of bounding people from moving across globe is against humanity. In fact, any idea which allows people to differentiate themselves from other people is waste, either its religion, area, race, color or the nation itself. Only true thing which works is humanity which we really need in all of us across these thick walls.

First time tourist

In between I got a chance to visit Puri, Bhuvneshwar and Kolkata. My visit to Puri was like seen my home place after long time, everything same as Varanasi, same vibes, same smell which can't say is good or bad! same crowd looking ready to welcome, and even the same pandas ready to rob you on the name of God if you ever loosened your pocket. Several times even I got caught in such people and escaped based on my experience. Anyway first time seeing the Sea and Bhagwan Jagannath's Darsan was very much satisfying wish of mine since long time. Between Puri and Bhuvneshwar I also saw Sun Temple of Konark, Buddhist temple near place of famous Kaling Yuddha, Lingraj temple of Lord Shiva and Caves of Khandgiri and Udaygiri. After that I returned to Puri railway station to leave for my next tour destination Kolkata where I reached in an overnight journey. I had no travel guide, and no earlier preparedness to be there except names of few famous places so was completely clueless about where to start. Called up my brother and thereafter Kankana with a hope that will get some help, which only helped me in giving courage but no direction to start. Anyway best thing about our country, the over supporting people worked, I got into a bus for Kali Ghat, reached after one change but was the most ambiguous to find the way to get into temple. Anyway, followed a Panda and finally reached also, to see Goddess and say my wish with great hope. Came out to reach the next destination told to me earlier by metro rail, The Victoria Memorial Museum and the Calcutta Museum where I was surprised to see the way people where keenly reading the most boring subject of History roaming all around. Following people I also made the round around and came out to go to my next destination, the cheapest market ever seen Dharmtala. It was a amazingly cheap for all goods but didn't get anything except a bag and a cap for my brother's son from the market. Here I got the most special experience of my life, traveled in Tram- the train running on road unlike other vehicles, careful about the road traffic!!! Evening went with myself roaming in the same street after which I returned to Hawrah railway station to catch the train to my brother's place. Journey ended with lots of good memories and now looking forward to have next.

Some more days in Jharkhand

Sorry, the story telling about my visit stopped because of internet server failure here in my brother's place but anyway they are still with memories. The next day of me coming here, the most amazing thing was the 23 years sacked person brought to my brother's house since courts don't run on holidays and presenting before magistrate is compulsory before apprehending anyone. So, when they returned I simply asked what that fellow did, pick-pocketed!? and the reply was shocking, killed his neighbour in wordily quarrels between their wives which went high...I thought what a peak of nonsense..but my brother corrected me, "that's culture here". Another interesting thing that complemented the act was the collection of Handiya outside every house and its special smell, been told that its a local wine prepared by tribes here and is something which keeps them flying high for everyday-all time; which allows them to do whatever-wherever. But the last thing comes in mind about the people and the area here is the situation, which has not developed or not let to develop with developing India. Who is responsible, the stupid doped people there, their political and social leaders which don't want the area to develop since they will loose there value thereafter, or the entire system which never cares about his vicious symbiosis between the predators and prey.

Spitomaniac

I was there in Jamshedpur for last 3 days. The most amazing thing to see there in spite of a hospital-without-hospitality was the beauty and the planning of the city. The city with very clean surrounding, with non of those poster from khaini-underwear-hydrosil treatment kind of... But there still one thing which was not allowing the city to be clean enough..the spitomaniac people- who keep spitting every minute, all around the places irrespective of were they are. Can't say what make them do so but at least they had forbidden eyes to see their act what they doing...God help those people.

God, fright and corrupt country

I was there in MTMH, Jamshedpur for my mother's chemotherapy today were I encountered the same sign of giveupness among people all around. Even though it was a private hospital, the culture and environment there was very much like any government system were every person, from office staff to ward nurse where acting tiered from the zeroth hour of their job. In the scene people who were there to attend the patients were angry but not agitated, hopeless but polite to devils of that system. And I was no exception in between, and which was making me think why is so, why we people are tolerant to all these devils sitting in soother's place...people said because they have apprehension that the doctor and/or the treatment may get affected if they raise the voice, which obviously had no historical foundation. But again the same question comes that why such fear is always filled in our mind, why all the reason bring us to the only conclusion of inaction to bad thing. This problem is deep rooted in our inheritance, our all time habit to look towards God to be problem free and that how our silence give consent to those systemic-devils and their corrupt action.

From Concrete Jungle to Real One

After long time I have come to Jharkhand to my brothers place and feeling like my return to India in its own. Getting up early morning when I peeped out side from my window nature was in its such a raw state that even my train and the railway stations passing by were looking mismatch or misconfigured somehow. Property and prosperity had changed its complete face last night when I was sleeping in my train. Everything lying in such a naive state that you can't reason it. But getting down the train at Chakradharpur railway station I saw some more tongue twisters. Probably elections happened several times in this part of India also since it happened in others, and a Big hording with smiling face of Rahul Gandhi- the new political hope of India was also there to support my guess but there was lesser signs of road, electricity, health services, schools which may had come with governance there in last 50 years. The story is going to be continued in my next two week stay here...

The Two Worlds

When we see by our open eyes we clearly see two worlds, one is full of joy other with no sense of it, one with lot optimism other with a new day to make it out anyhow, one with all open avenues other with his broken surrounding...all from same God! God, who is kind, soothing, forgivable, judicious to treat all equally. But then why is it so, why only with some, and even if it is where is our God?!!! Is he really somewhere?

Leave to Live with, Leave to Die with...

There was a time when we promise to live-together for years-after-year with a indifference to any obstruction and now when we really need to mean those words we have no time for that. Going for a leave to see my mother; live with her for sometime. Time which she don't have much and so as will be me for a different reason. Our own ambitions of life leave us in such an ambiguity which can only be solved by God. One such situation quoted from Bhagwad gita which matches that of mine.

kim no rajyena govinda
kim bhogair jivitena va
yesham arthe kanksitam no
rajyam bhogah sukhani ca

ta ime ’vasthita yuddhe
pranams tyaktva dhanani ca
acaryah pitarah putras
tathaiva ca pitamahah

matulah svasurah pautrah
syalah sambandhinas tatha
etan na hantum icchami
ghnato ’pi madhusudana

api trailokya-rajyasya
hetoh kim nu mahi-krte
nihatya dhartarastran nah
ka pritih syaj janardana

"O Govinda, of what avail to us are a kingdom, happiness or even life itself when all those for whom we may desire them are now arrayed on this battlefield? O Madhusudana, when teachers, fathers, sons, grandfathers, maternal uncles, fathers-in-law, grandsons, brothers-in-law and other relatives are ready to give up their lives and properties and are standing before me, why should I wish to kill them, even though they might otherwise kill me? O maintainer of all living entities, I am not prepared to fight with them even in exchange for the three worlds, let alone this earth. What pleasure will we derive from killing the sons of Dhritarashtra?"

Grab the Cap

Days are flying from the hands with lot of things undone, even untouched. The feelings of having very less time to do what all i want to do is always there with me, but the pain increases when people try to acquire my own work to put their name. So much selfishness spills out of their action that whole purpose of hard work is killed for credit taking. From last few weeks observing that the two layers of primary and secondary gowns are not just covering my body but slowing masking my head, my thinking process. In such situation the killing of motivation of mine by peers worsen the scene.

Life Auditing

Seen Dasvidaniya today! really a good one after long time! reminded me of my JNU days and my professor's assertion that, what he will say to God that have given to world after he death. And his pain appears on his face with a calm answer, "Probably nothing". This afterlife questionnaire use to impress me sometime but what about self-success and achievement, is it all about afterlife. Nothing for today?!! The question was really greatly addressed in the movie and the chase of life for undone dreams of self is how much important is shown. After all who has seen the afterlife if you are dieing out of undone dreams in life. Whatever you do, this way quest will always remain unseen.

Tears to tare

The www of life is as simple to watch and as complex to solve. In between this journey of mine I found that making and breaking of relation which is told to depend on sharing of good time, common cause, same vibes (I really don't know where this vibe exist around us) as in books hardly exists. we talk to people, make a bridge of relation also sometime, but mostly those relations are virtual. They retain only till we have a open talk for it, we are ready to listen, speak-out and accept the reality which may right or wrong. If tears exist along with smiles, if good memories get priority along with learning from bad one. As the time is moving very fast such relations exist rarely; everything seems material and incomplete! Jagjit Singh ki ek gazhal ki lines bahut yaad aa rahin hain aaj...

Badla na apne aap ko jo the wahi rahe,

Milte rahe sabhi se magar ajnabi rahe.

Duniya na jit pao to haro na khud ko tum,

Thodi bahot to zahen mein narazgi rahe.

Power of 10

This story comes from deep inside my memories, from the time when a ten rupees note was really a power. Can't say exactly but probably it was time when I was in my KG's only in school and had a great craze of ice-cream (nothing exceptional). Unlike any-middle class family we didn't had any access like pocket-money on regular basis and was only delivered on continual demand; and there somehow demand-supply dis-balance provoked me to steal money from my mother's purse which was ofcourse the most accessible source to me. Anyway in a hurry mixed fright I took a 10 RS. note, the power of which I was so far unknown. The day past with my desire to listen the last bell and be the first to see the ice-cream thela and finally the time came. I was not knowing my favorite ice-cream cost only 1rs probably the costliest of that time, so the problem aroused; what to do with the remaining 9 Rs. I gave it back to the shopkeeper with the same reluctance which we see in celluloid when people say keep the change. But it was not a celluloid, people were still honest in my small town so he gave it back to my rickshaw-wala with full story. His story ended with a start of a new story in my rickshaw with all eyes looking over me like I have been caught robbing a bank in daylight! anyhow our rickshaw reached at home and atleast 4-5 of of my co-traveller in my rickshaw caught my left and right hand tightly as if I will ran-away if they will not hold me tightly and my home is a sort of police station where I have to be convicted. Story after this has almost faded in my memory probably had nothing great to leave any impact on my mind...probably my parents didn't took it as seriously as my previous encounters and the entire issue pushed under carpet. But it left back a memory in my mind about how much powerful a 10 Rs can be when you don't know how to spend it!!!

My First day In first Job

After more than one and a half years of my joining my first job in Dr. Reddy's Lab here in Hyderabad, it may be surprising that I am writing about my first day on first job, but it recalled me all because of action of few of my new friends with absolutely low energy and excitement for new happenings of life. Anyway, that day was very much special for me and we( me and my room-mate Kishore) were the only witness for the moment to each other. Neither of us had good sleep that night, can't say because of the feeling of new tomorrow after that night or the chilling AC in our room in guest-house or both. Finally, we got up at 5am for the preparedness to leave for office-bus at 7,30 am even though we were knowing that its not going to take much time. After little-bit of uncertainty aboutwere to start, whom to talk I got the final room were all like me people were being collected for Induction and other joining formalities. Days were nothing special thereafter accept the food in guest-house which I still remember when sometime I find good food in Hyderabad. and thats how the journey started which is still going with all ups-and-downs.

Silence...some more time!

Got an I-pod some days back, not for the purpose which it is serving now. Now-a-day feeling lot of irritation talking to people around me and just get settle with my i-pod in the ear to ignore all the fuzz. Something is changing inside me, something is making me shrink myself. Don't feel much to express. Even today very hardly convinced myself to write at least this on my blog. Some thoughts keep roaming all inside to keep me restless which really ain't seems to be yielding!...

Sleepless as never before

Don't know but since I have returned from Delhi ,there have been not a single night when i had a good sleep for even 6 hours .This inspite of exahustive day time and no sleep in between. Intially I thought its just another change because of place, may be because of yoga but as the the time is passing by and things are still the same this question comes in my mind what exactly making me to do so. I can nither forget nor forgive myself for whatever went and still going in my life. Never found as insensitive before...find myself sleeping even with open eyes.