Father of Undivided India

Read Nathuram's last speech today and had seen "Mee Nathuram Godse Boltoy" some days back, it was all a great experience of looking back in history towards the martyrs of India who sacrificied their life for their ideoligies. History can't be re-written if said correctly, but the history we learn through our books right from schools looks to be highly influenced and biased by governing people. A very promising line of play saying, "he is ready to live for his values, and I am ready to die for mine.' Our history has tried to ignore all those people who struggled and died for there values, which would have made a undivided India.

Fight for Sustainable

An interesting fact came across today during the lecture, which says the thing which has contributed most to the Art and Aesthetics is love and the most for Science and Technology is war. No doubt that their is no way to put the love and the war on same table, but for a time been it gives war a acceptable place in society; society which taps their back for excellent development but the actual divining force is anti-social...what an irony...probably says that you can't achieve anything unless you are aggressively fond of it.

The Grey and the Green

Generally people ask me, what is the change over here in Delft w.r.t. India, and I have to tell something odd and escape out of it as if I say culture is different, I'll be betraying our land of diverse culture so change of culture should be something very unnoticeable to an Indian, if  i say skin colour probably I am going racist, and if I say food habit I will be crying for me being vegetarian. By the way I got a good difference between India and NL which really make two people different, it is the way we enjoy our freedom! ....here you can kiss on the road but you cannot piss on the road and there in India you can piss on the road, but kiss!!! no way, you are vulgar, you are spoiling the culture! No comment on freedom, cultures and their types.

technostart

First day to start my course on technology business taught me the lesson that the good technology is not the only one which is stolen. And it crushed my old idea of competing in new market with old technology to bring the new idea and the sky is much beyond that. I was just a beginner in the learning of entreprenuerial art, but it is really a very interesting experience to start learning the venturing skill. As dream is still alive to start my own venture, needs a lot to prove that it was not a mere dream!

The Ugly Freedom

Feeling freedom as never before now a days, free as if no accountability, no body to worry, no one to care. Its all about me, myself and I here. When I reached here, one of my friend took me to a workshop on Dutch Culture and their idea of freedom. I fairly speeking was not agree with it, but now find myself in a similar situation where I am really free, freedom which I never wished for. After returning from India it has been completely different experience for me, learning to live without all what I care about...like flying in a zero gravity region.

30-one more day

Like time waits for no one, toady its exactly a month past for it. Running in the race of life, the realization of the pain is less probably because have to run too fast now a days..too many courses, assignments and exams all in head-to-head. But, its very frustrating to see, living for the God...Just to live for his world to go on, and one fine day die to let it go even on and on. Where is the difference in human and the animals; the buildings, the short termed choked troth emotion, the life-cycle with more assembled look-like transition... but is that all!

The Big Day

Its was a big day of my blog today, my blog which started the day country got Mahatma five years ago, I lost my mother today, now the most painful day of my life. No more inspiration, no more reason to reason about. Her life was a message for us, and her death was recap of her life journey, with the pain she was carring towards the ends...better ended! although not so easy to accept it. The picture of our family has lost the focal center. This is meaningless to say that we're not going live without her, surely hard to image ourself without, the content which made us whatever we are is gone. All Sand Castle now.

Change!

Change is something which we sometimes like and mostly don’t because it breaks our settlement, but with happiness or with disappointment, we are bound to accept it. There is nothing stable in this world even as per most scientifically established principle, but than what is that change which we feel most in spite of occurring continuous? The change is nothing but invasion of two different futures in different speed. So if this future even invade in unison it will be hard to find the change in surrounding. So, the changes which are as certain as the past and the future of the present are designed to look like so.

The black and The white

Nothing of the race, it’s about the life again. We all come across difficult time in life which willingly or unwillingly needs to be face. We do it boldly or lay before it that depends on us. The greatness of life is in the fact where we come out of it to become better, prove the toughness that we are ready for even worst, lit a light of the hope in all darkness for a way forward.

Thawing life

Life has taken a 360˚ turn in last one year. This time last year I was in Hyderabad with my mother with some coughing problem which was unknowingly developing as lung cancer in her. I was busy with my life in Dr. Reddy’s, working hard to meet my work-life challenges of day-today. On return from office, I had everyday goodtime of meeting my mother who use-to be busy in watching Sai-baba TV serial that time. I used to debate her on some ethical and mythological issues while she prepares and give me dinner, and then sleep for the next day office hungama. And now, there is no Hyderabad, no tension of office, but thing which makes the gap bigger is, no loving mother around me…to talk her, tease her, to argue her. She is struggling for a lesser painful death in India and I striving to survive here in Netherlands. The pain which was all around us but had not entered inside has penetrated badly inside now in both of us in this time. I am anyway going to survive out of it, but God, please if you really there somewhere, let her go without pain, you anyway going to get most precious gem of our life. Can’t you do this for us!

Man vs machine

Facing the most ugliest truth of life, when have to sit and plan a least painful death for my mother and get for the treatment accordingly. Mind never ever freezed so badly, now when such discussions start and my brothers expect my view on practical ground. having no mean to alleviate her pain and to let her live a normal life, its how meaningful to make her increasingly painful extended life. And extended life for what?; to let her feel that she is done with all her responsibilities, which is surely tail-less, or to solve my own satisfaction that I went for the medication to end of the possibilities resulting a very painful extension for few months.
Life conditions are showing their dirtiest face, forcing to treat my loveliest mother as a physical asset rather than a human.

Some thing like last inning

After seeing the worse than hell situation in Jamshedpur, we have brought mummy to Delhi back to her very first treatment providing hospital, which is meaningfully telling that it is going to be last also since the complications have been even though controlled for a very short time, have touched their worst end. And sitting beside mummy gives me a worst feeling of sitting on a bay and silently listening and watching the SOS! signal in a wait for ship to sink. Ship which is carrying all my resource of "all physical and emotional support". After previous incidences it was clear that this all is bound to happen a day but so soon, and on such time when again I am planning to go away from her, some what more away in physical term. Why always I have to sit on fulcrums!

Need that Opium More

People in pain often move for dope, and so as I, with a bit difference. It's dope from Karl Marx's dictionary according to whom "Religion is the opiate of the people". Life situations have bent me more towards God, loving more to think in term of Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana...... Probably that's the only way to get out of my pain and give a reason to my helplessness and prevent myself from breaking down. Everyday brings some or other bad news with a feeling of slowly brittiling surroundings. Long way to go in this darkness, don't know this dope is sufficient for this night or not.

Not More Than a Dummy

Whenever-wherever life needs me to give my 100% love and care to people I am attached with, I find myself in great dilemma, mostly fail to make myself available for the time. Loose the purpose of me being there in such instances and that too when 'am not in some great business! I am just doing what others do, n keep the things going around them. sometime feel that i am just practicing for some of my own life fiasco, where i will be left alone to face the consequences. Life and its choices always amaze me, and will keep me puzzling as ever.

Delhi Again.

Reached Delhi again today for my visa interview, things went fine and everything got completed so early as if completed with start itself. Thereafter went to see my friends and given them surprise information of me leaving India. A life is no way an easy thing to handle with and so was the tour. Started for here in a scene when my train journey ticket got canceled due to no-confirmation and reached here between heat and annoyance of too long journey as I got no other option. Anyway, it was a good day today when I met my school and college mates in a mall, got some time to share with them, recall some memories of past. Finally at my brothers place, ready to leave back to my workplace again...no other go!!!

Shattered to Pieces

Don't know why but every time in ups-and-downs of any relationship now I very easily start realising that everything has ended and no remedial thing is possible. Even start the preparation to to adjust and live with the left space. Why i am in so hurry to end-up all around and go alone don't know but one thing I feel always that nothing is going stay for long with me, atleast the people I love to live with, I can't steal time out of my life...just trying to live with the developing scenarios! how helpless and weak the past incidences of life have left me!!!

Concept of Time

Long back I read that, The concept of time, is the concept of mind! now I realise it when sometime I see the behaviour of people around me. When my mother was diagnosed for cancer at final stage people suddenly became so caring and humble about her, everyone asking how many more days. Now when the treatment seems to be working fine she is looking not just all about to go, same people are back on there regular behaviour; complaining, anguished and denying her as earlier. Shaking me! Do we need to die to get others love? Are we all just waiting to say good words, give some care and love only if it has to follow the final good-bye! Good that nobody is going to stay here forever, good so that everyone will have some good words and care before this show ends-up...

Dread of Monday Again!

Life which was running in a narrow gauge of batches after batch has bit widen to week time. Monday afternoon starts the week which don't know when suddenly ends up with Sunday morning. No Fresh air, no extra desire, everything looks so automated that waiting for a bang to bring some flavor. Weekends bring some time and space to think beyond job but by the time eyes wide open and the blood-vessels pump in the freshness Monday returns. And the same story starts. Why there is always that dreadful Monday after the Sunday!!!

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

Its a phrase form a book for its last edition, but I came across it few days back when one of my friend directed me to listen a speech by Steve Jobs to Stanford's Scholar in 2005. the speech was all about his 3 stories of his life which were surely very inspiring but the the magical ending was the with the comment that "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish". Initially I was surprised, what it really mean to be, then i got it! If you want to grow stay hungry for knowledge, stay curious and that curiosity should be of innocent and naive. there shouldn't be anything which can guide you or make you biased in learning. And as long as you are hungry and foolish, no one stop you from achieving you goal.

Limits of Love and Degree of Friendship

We need everything measurable in this world, Success, dream desire, friendship and even the love along with the material things. And measurement brings the standardisation, degree and limits for all. How come relations of hearts can be manhandled by tools of mind I don't know. But in today's quick-start world people want everything ready made and predefined. Bad for all!
A Bashir Badr sher comes in my memory:

Parakhna Mat-Parakhne Mein Koyii Aapna Nahiin Rehta

Kissi Bhii Aaeene Mein Der Tak Chehra Nahiin Rehta