Where's The Party Tonight

Yes, it was new year party for us...went with some sweet, some shocking memories of time. It was more like a cultural festival where stage dance kind of activities were there, somewhere like a award winning ceremony where u had prizes for every possible action and a bad food or mostly no food to remind the Dr. Reddy's culture. But for me it was even more memorable not just because I danced almost few hours on dance floor but also the final situation of the whole party; My roommates where fully drunk...one was drunk to such extent that he was beyond his sense and lying on ground. I was saying thanks to myself that I don't drink but also that now I will have to carry this 80 kg body of my own which was already fully tried after whole day work in office and thereafter party. Anyhow carried him to my home place and felt relaxed.

My Money Plant

In a time when Life is tiresome for everyone running behind money, one sweet memory of innocence I used to bear in childhood revitalize me. I was not a son of some Dhirubhai or Enistein having innovative idea, the innovative idea of making money which fascinates every age (I hope will facinate me in future too, which i don't know), but I had my own way. I don't know it was genuinely my own but its was surely well nourished and fueled by my elder brother who was the sole benifiter of my vigilant dream. In my childhood when ever my mother used to give me paisa (usually while going to office, n i used to stay at home) my brother used to come with the idea of Money Plant. It was nothing great but in absence of everyone we unite to sow that paisa to get that so called money plant which will make me millionaire one day! only to pluck paisa like we used to pluck other flowers everyday from the same garden. I regularly and with full belief kept sowing plant when ever I got a chance without any care that my last attempt had failed n kept on going until this worldly lure made me change the mode of expenses; expenses on toffees-chocolates-icecreams and lot many. But this question always remained unanswered that where those paisa where going which i used to plant and got answer one day when my brother reveled the story in his background. He used to take out paisa in my absence and place a plant on the same location without root to call me n show. My pleasure nad dream used to acheive the peak but, a plant without root will have what fate? It used to dry after sometime, leaving a message for me; Well! sometime next...will surely get success one day.
Great memories of childhood...lot many! countless!!!

Great power comes with Great responsibility

Its power only which rules around us! power of money, position, status etc-etc. But this power really brings fun to be superior in life. I feel its a fun of different taste to bear something important on the same time it brings equal responsibility, without which there is no difference between man n devil.

Life Revisited

Just completed my friend's gift "Sum thing of a Mocktale", the book which he gave in our last meeting. It was surprise, it was sweet but moreover something which I most-wantedly like to have. Anyway it was a chronicle of author in JNU but reading it can't stop myself from comparing n finding something like mine kind of experiences in it. It gave me a experience like I have once again returned to my days in JNU...tiresome-robust days but I don't know a majestic satisfaction was there inside...a satisfaction of been in a world, of which I liked to part of. Reading the book gave me the same satisfaction again! again after so many days!

Hyderabad Beggar's Club

In my college days, on my way to Allahabad and Kanpur, I used to encounter too many beggars in the train between Varanasi and Allahabad and named it Beggar's Route but that class which i used to think is unconquerable even have great competitors, these competitors are from Hyderabad Beggars Club. I use this word for the uncountable and omnipresent hyderabadi beggars which don't loose a single chance to catch you anywhere-anytime, to almost chase you in their area. Their area because their business looks very manged and no chance of internal competition I have observed among themselves so far. Its tragic that a city where most of the people get respectable job, there's a big brigade of such beggar running a parallel business of different kind...there own Beggar's Club.

Back to Job

Now when i am back to work and feeling fresh after so called loonng leeave, trying to prevent the life for getting skewed yet again. It was something most wanted and came on right time in my life as I was completely exhausted not just physically but mentally out of work. Have resumed my habit of reading books and have gobble up two books since arrival here...Don't want to get that much tired as before, since it will really be tough as much impossible to come out if it happens again. But very much optimistic right now...will surely keep on myself.

Happiness is temporary, suffering is permanent!

Today is the last day of my leave at home...so the sweet days are over and have to get ready for hyderabad hell. I got a big leave but how it all flown, I myself don't know....Happiness went like a breeze but suffering is persistent...which nonetheless came even sometimes in between and finally 'll be in its fullest after leave...Since its temporary, thats why its special; thats why its happiness.

Destiny and Desire

Trapped between thoughts of past and future, today the memories of Paolo Coehlo's "The Alchemist" which I read in my last days in Kanpur 4 months back, is coming again-n-again. It was an wonderful story about optimism, hope, courage and perseverance. It was about finding out, what is our 'mission' in life, about destiny and following our dreams - whenever one wishes something, the whole universe conspires to its realisation. Everything is possible as long as we really want it to happen. Gives a lot of satisfaction in low time since the 'mission' is still there and the 'desire' too.

The Two Shore

Left Kanpur after 7 days, after a highly mechanical life. Starting days went along concerns that I am changed. Changed because of previous situations? Changed because of new circumstances? Or because of anticipation of shock again? Whatever, however!!! I too was not happy with the change, atleast not which I was feeling between me and my freind! No warmth of relation, no heat of the feeling that we are meeting again after long time, prob’ly for last time. Anyway, by the time I recuperated myself, it was time to go! Go for not to meet again...With all the similarities and differences we were like two shores of river, although closer for some time... Only the feeling that you are there on the other side, always! happy in your part of world, gives pleasure and satisfaction!

No Words! No meaning!!

Words once again failed to mean what i want say...what I am feeling about. I don't know why I am no more natural as before...even after several urges! my excuses aren't letting me hide what is going on wrong inside of mine. Every piece has a memory of past; past which I don't want to come across. But being so is not at all giving me satisfaction, not even to person next to me. Finding myself totally helpless...not able to make someone understand me.

Robotic me

After a long time of 4 months I met my friends in Kanpur, probably in never to meet ever again kind of situation but don’t know why I am lacking my emotions this time; behaving very much mechanical; and amazing that people around too look me the same. Don’t know it’s my fault or others or the so called dunia ka dustoor. The moment for which I was waiting for a long time is there and I am no more excited, no more elicited, just trying to look like usual me. Paying the price of being social.

Office! Office!

Today is an off day for office but still feeling completely exhausted out of work. For the last three weeks of restless job that too for morning 8 to 12 in night or may be even beyond has sucked every thing out of me…tiredness of such extent that every night I used to sleep like dead body and then early morning again wake and dress that cadaver for another hectic day. I don’t know how long I can and how long I will be doing like this but the thing is that my dream of first job has shaken me too much…much more than any other dream before. Is this life???

First Shot!!

Today is the harvest day for first batch of CCM1 production facility where I work. In our regular work life we are three working hand-in-hand, but today when its the D-day (Also Dewali tomorrow, or may be today by the time I start with) all are on leave because of various reasons and responsibility of giving harvest lies on my side. Amazing fact is that, not only I will be doing this for the first time for the company as one of the landmark!, but also some thingh which I will be doing for first time for myself...Never done before, not even seen someone doing. Whatever.... have to do it! and always the best!

Searching....I

Stay happy in what so ever is the situation and always do the best! my own lessons which I were always talking about, I am not able to follow now a day. Looking around sometimes I feel like, the more you work, the more you have to work, people who were enjoying, are still enjoying. Now a days office work has raised so much that working on NOT LESS THAN 14 Hrs basis, which may even go upto 20 hours. And even this without any identity!
Today is Friday, people retuning with happy mood because they are going to get 2 days of weekly off because they work 9 hours...for me have not seen a single day off for last three weeks with no limit of work....Not even getting time to find me in myself.

Moving for Sustenance????

Even though we are celebrating the 60th anniversary of Independence, tendency of ours to look toward west even for the smaller needs has not changed, and is the major cause of problem. It has affected our attitude and thoughts. The aspiration to say us global is so prominent that we people wish to see the challenges of ourselves from the eyes of west and finally find us nowhere. This is leading to the lack of pride and self-reliance without which the concept of sustainability will remain meaningless. We need be to more positive towards ourselves. We have border range of nature gifts, resources and moreover people; all it needs an establishment of synergism between them, an initiative with a spirit to fight back all the evils to achieve the best. The mission of sustainability figures out thereafter only.

Third Round

My blog has completed its 3rd year today on October 2, 2007 and has seen all the upheavals of emotions and the change in phases of my life but still The Gandhi of day-one of my blog is significant in all. Gandhi’s thought of Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test; Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him. Will he gain anything by it? Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away, helps me too.
Life has completely changes in all these year. The engineering graduate who had lot to do in life and was waiting for right time to come, still all the dreams in eyes and no time to execute them. This may be an excuse to satisfy myself but this the life these days. Learning to adjust in professional environment; hold my responsibilities more efficiently; multi-tasking and create balance between my personal and professional life. Last few months have been really very exhaustive, n will be same till I learn to manage my work; learn time management!!!

It’s only me!

Facing the same slogan in all spheres of life! Everyone blames other but at the end of the day they all behave and act to solve their own cause. Sometime feel very depressed! Whom I used to believe most and whom I thought that atleast if no one will understand me, they will understand me also do the same. Everything thing changing in life, people, reponses and responsibilities!!! Don’t know how to react; shall change in this and loose my naivety? or resist; but how long?
Have always been self centered, but never in a selfish way…
Not ready to loose myself!!!!

Fringes of faces

Everyday comes with a new experience. The faces have the faces in them...what to obey and what not to obey has a big question mark...nothing and no one is good and bad in itself, whatever is there may turn around anytime...n enjoy your work with open eyes...in the Alchemist way. Told like, “All you do can be done by any lay man!” But more over you expand your hand they will load you with even more.

Good and Bad Time

Reached Hyderabad to enter in new dimension of life but very entry has started with tragedy. There was no booking as scheduled and informed to me, so was forced to stay out on road for several hours. Anyhow the issue resolved and got a stay. But the new life this is not going to be the end of problems..new place! new people! new environment! and in between the rush to find a place call house, place to get stuff which satisfy your hunger, so call food! and other sattelment! striving since first day. With the belief that "even Bad Days don't last long as Good Days!"

Shaky moments

Life is at its bottel neck! long awaited moment n dream of making money on my own is about to be true. but is also the other way, i had never felt that that thought of loosing the laxative moment of student life will be even more tough. I wish i forget all, i wish i could focus on my near bight future, i wish i could bring up my dreams....enjoy the life!!! but feel 'll be really hard without all what i bear today....no freinds, no teasing...

c'mon c'mon c'mon - we're gonna make it home tonight

c'mon c'mon c'mon - everything's gonna be alright

it's only a dream - it's all in your head

it's only some words somebody said

we can believe what we wanna believe

and you can believe in me

busy as a beaver

Days are flying now a days n the overwhelming load of work in project to be completed before my joining the job, and has made me count every hour in the time when my colleagues enjoying the days. life gives lesson every instant and we want or not, we need or not- we keep learning. Work, work and work!!! reminding me the lines from Dr. Kalam, "If you want your footprints on the sand of time, don't drag your feet. ....stealing a little of time out of work; but that's enough.!.

Retrospect

I don’t know how to reflect it, but it was a wonderful experience to meet him. I was at a hospital to meet my teacher’s husband who was admitted because of cardiac failure. He was lying on bed, calm and unpredictable, but a fistful of unpredictable questions! I was shocked but enjoying! I was clueless but having interest. I got someone who can shake me- wake me! Make me know I am dwelling in infinite world, there is lot much to learn and lot much not to forget….are u curious? And what is most memorable? Everyone should surprise listening to…and lastly the most unanswerable question…when we are going to meet again? For such questions silence is the only answer I have.

I know him

‘I know him’, thing is a common proverb popularly heard by us in day today life. But, is it true or having any significance? Every personality as different aspects such that what is true at one time is not true at next time. There is generous you and there’s mean you, you are honest as well as dishonest, creative at one time destructive at other, like wise sometime calm as well as chaotic. It’s not just a binary expression but a multidimensional figure which is contextual. And so even if the person tries truly to reveal himself it will only turn into fiasco, will be known as ‘a person with multi-personality disorder’. All what is there in the dish is the part of personality what we like to known.

No Regrets! No Sorry!

Life is a mirror….this was said to me in a teasing email few days back but it got recall today with the thought that, "if life is a mirror show me the mirror" after meeting a friend of mine. When I started with I had nothing much to say except spreading/expressing my frustration of unsuccess in life. I usual to say it all and listened but I got a reply I was speechless, but not hurted. The thought of ‘no regrets to life’ which I repeat very often among my friends is no-way new for me but today I was been told to me at a very correct time when I am going though a bad phase…this is what I need to learn myself than telling others of it. Thank God, I got some friends to show me the mirror.

Cheater All

Sitting today I was just thinking about people ideas and social behavior. Talking everyone, the thing I find to be common is a feeling of ‘Got Cheated’ at one or another instant of life by someone.
The self image for everyone is flawless, then who is the cheater? Somewhere sitting in me, you or someone else? Really unpredictable!!! Life is all like climbing stairs where we step over and over to reach a destination. These moves sometime hurt others unknowingly and many times strategically. But where the right stands and what to do? Strategies going to make you cheater and disobedience to them going to make you looser….what u want to be a cheater or a looser?
Question remains live ‘who’s the cheater?’

Belief

Belief is something which turns a common stone into God and is a basis of all the relations. The strength and stability of relations reside on this belief only, which last long in good relations. But is this a mutual affair? Belief for belief and impudence for impudence? I feel both yes and no both on the same time…yes, because you can’t go too long without a good response- a belief which tells dauntlessly that, I am with you in all your good and bad. And ‘no’ because when there is belief it needs no support, it is something which even a 1 year baby has when we throw him in air, he laughs. Bartering of belief is not going to last long whether it on some person or even on God.

Who’s there?

Everyone has an individuality which reflects in his personality, we could be influenced or infatuated by others but can never be dominated without a will. What we think and behave are ourselves responsibility and no one else can be an all-time controller for it. I don’t know when I am bemused no one cares but when I set to say something how come the same person has problem. Happiness and sufferings could never be a one sided affair, if you don’t like just say u don’t want it…but how u could be arbiter to say such things when you yourself have been engaged in such activitites…one-sided rules, one-sided conditions, one-sided opportunity, one-sided obligations. I can’t tolerate it anymore because I am what I am.

suck it

Its now going to be more than a month long time I am neither able to forget nor able to forgive myself for my failure in GATE. Time comes and goes, people, the day and next, I try myself to convince for the loss but even today I find myself left at same place with same dejection and agony. I don’t know what to do because it’s severely distorting my personality n thoughts. That 'm feeling like the most unwanted and skill less person. I don’t know even if I can forget or make me for some new challenge but the second blow by TIFR who have screened me out pushing me back to the same place….don’t know how long it will take me to revive, or will be even to do it or not…sitting on the darker side of my own.