National problem

When I got up on the new morning of 2013, heard someone saying on BBC that rapes are  national problem of India. Least to disagree but much more to say, I thought I will write some day about it, but today reading the interview of a trafficked girl in Justice Verma's report in the backdrop of brutal Delhi gang rape which led to previous statement by someone, nothing could stop me to write on it. I agree, rape is the national problem of India, but is that all? Do we really understand what a rape is? Is it all about act involving sexual parts of the persons engaged. Isn't a rape performed, when a person is made to work for such a low cost for his/her labor which in no case can bring a fundamental need of dignified life for him/herself and the family. Don't we see it and make it happen in everyday life! The whole civilization is so much soaked in the thought that, if you have might all what you do is right. Many will not even accept that they are all rapist; rapists of millions of lives which would have been different if they were treated rightfully. And, its not just a gender problem, it is been done vigorously by men and women in all parts of India. Physical rape is just one form of the same. And since this rapist is sitting in all of us, even if we come to know about some declared rapist by law we fail to distinguish them from us to punish. Time is over for just lauding our aged civilisation but think on what wrong has grown up between us and weed it out. We need to learn treating and rewarding every individual and efforts with equal value as we expect for us. Only a sense of equality can solve the problem in the root, without which all other efforts will have only some fringe effect.

Civil vs Evil

India or atleast Delhi is shaken and thus awake for last two weeks in view of brutal rape case. No rape is less brutal anyway but this was somehow made people think that, this is not good! No, socially and morally straight person will say so either. But, the million dollar question in my mind these days is that are we really serious about it, or does it really reflects our personal enlightenment or is it just a wisdom of crowd. I might be sounding very pessimistic but let me tell that I am very happy that people have come out of their houses to protest I still don't believe it. People are angry that our police stations are not working, our courts a slow and our laws are loose for rapists, but I have question from the society that, are we the people are serious about it. Rapists don't come from other planet neither they run away to other planet after committing the crime. They live between you and me and between the people protesting all across the India before and after the crime and everyone knows them, accept them socially as brother, son, husband, friend and business partners and go to worse to reward them. Is it cure all about police station, court and laws? Humans are social animal; a complete social boycott would have been worse than castration of such devils and would have solved the problem internally, but it never happens. We certainly  need better laws and its enforcement, but I believe as long as it doesn't happens law alone can't stop such evil.

India inside india outside

It was a lot time due and thoughts were boiling for quite sometime inside me. It was pushed with several recent event/incidences. Just two to quote, 1st one regarding meeting a guy who returned from india and 2nd regarding an event by india platform here in gent. The guy who returned after india trip said on Indian road the mightier the better just like jungle (I thought u don't know, it's just not on road but all walks of life in india). In india platform meeting it was been told by two indian presenters that India is booming! Now connect both these remark and try to find out which one is correct state of India.

Who We Are and What We Want

Ran out of my internet connection limit today and it was a crisis which gave me an opportunity to look a different side. Silently sitting in a more alien world for me here in Ghent, I see myself with three kind of worlds in which I am living: the two real worlds: one around me, other inner of mine, and the other is the virtual world; the world of internet which has penetrated on both side, making its own biases and inferences on global thought. I don’t want to mean that people without internet don’t have outsourced biases and inferences. But certainly they have more opportunities to correct themselves by looking into the real world which surrounds and within them and engage their own perspective. Internet certainly enlightened our lives much more than anything else, destroyed the barriers of distances and censorships not to be allowed in civilized society. But, there was an essential benefit caused by these barriers and censorship in lesser developed state society, and it was spread of epidemic of evil thought. Now when we are freer and open, the responsibly lies on our ownself to identify the good, bad and the ugly and protect ourself and actively respond against it. And the only way to do so is to look within, “who we are and what we want”.

PS: I will post this from my office only once I am there tomorrow :-)

The Google of God

There is an essence of Hinduism which tells, God is not outside, and God is inside within all of us. It just not only gives a perspective that God is not a mere spectator or a referee around you in this great fight of being in this world, but actively involved and informed of you. All, your actions, best and the worst one are also involving him. And, once you are indulged in thought, ask yourself, is that what you want your God to act, if answer is yes “go ahead”. In my school days, NCERT books used to have a page with “Gandhiji’s Talisman” with a wonderful thought of thinking the poorest of the poor before any act and find how it benefits him for suitability. But, many times in life of a commoner like me I find it very hard to bring a perspective to my life challenges with “Gandhiji’s Talisman”. Then, the simple way is, what if my God acts like this, will I like it? This will save your God if you think you deserve to be part of the God.

Another year

Good or bad, every event of life has an anniversary and everytime we think of it, we think of lesson learnt and commitment made to ourself out of it. Today the same day is back for me, now the 3rd year without my mother. Realities of life have masked much more than life earlier for me and lesson learnt and commitment made are becoming harder to follow by growing years. Sometime I think why? Change in environment changes the ultimate lessons and commitment or its the time which redefines its version or just because they were my lessons and commitments, not others! Anyway, years are passing but some how the unsaid lesson I got from my mother that, what I want is more important than what I know, is still unattenuated.

PS: Its 7th year complete for my blog

Nationalism from outside India Route

I often think that why so many people living outside India are very critical and passionate to see India a better place even though there life situation will never let them go back. The reason may be, because we have not yet given-up like most of the Indians I know, even though they are there. May be because they are beaten, everyday by the system, and may be it has all become obvious for them. But, what about us who are living a un-flared life outside India and don't get affected by whatever shit happens overthere. But no! we do care and what to make it better, not to live it, not to cherish it , but to feel it. Fell that we are part of the same country which is great from past to present! And, what motivates us for that dream is not just inherent but environmental. We see how the little developed information and resources are conserved here in resource and people live its glory and then question comes in mind, why not we? We are from a land of great civilisation and knowledge, why can't we do the same? why we Indian are so much living in inferiority. We have so much push out ourselves that we don't feel it odd, when we are called Third world and pushed along with Africa, in the state of development, why? These all questions, make is more nationalistic than, we were when we were inside India. By visible examples we can see now that, the life of pride and glory is possible for every citizen of India if attempted properly. 

Touristic month for change

Its going to be 3 complete years for me to be here in europe. Lived in Delft, Amsterdam, Leiden and now in Gent. Although, all touristic places, I was never a tourist. Never saw another place, how so ever it was from mine and nobody to blame or regret as I don't like to travel. But, last two months have been exceptional. I have seen 3 cities, Berlin, Potsdam and Copenhagen in two countries of Europe , not just to see my wife but also travelled like tourist with her; seen the places, gardens and structures with little more curiosity. For a follower of google for all, it was something new for me. :-)

Need of another epic

As a citizen of a country with ancient civilisation we live a life full of examples from mythologies and epics; all saying that all virtue is goodness and the good wins always. But, with the current status of society we see the ignorance to these sayings, if not all it is most. But why this happened? Why the society preaching and learning goodness turned devilish?
I think, for a long time, even before independence we started realising bad is always safe and awarded. Pre-independence at least we had Britons to blame but post-independence we got nobody to rebuke, and forget the victory of good, bad people cherished all successes and pleasures without little penalty. This all has become a new epic to the new society; unsaid untaught. And so as all their new heroes from Kalmadi to Raza thus getting the heroic welcome.
Now, with all this if we really want to see some change, we can live with old mythologies and epic. But we seriously need a fresh breeze to make people believe that goodness is still a virtue and moreover evils are punished in real life not just in mythologies. We need a new epic of our time desperately.

Villain-less Life

We all hunt for a beautiful life, something which is worth and worry-less, i.e. without an obstacle or villain. Other-side in story-books and celluloid, we always have stories with a challenge and a challenging villain, without which it is boring. It looks quite the opposite side of our character, but it somehow connects to our sub-conscious behavior in life. How sweet spoken or jolly person I have met, I have never seen a person who has allergy for somebody. And worse is that when somehow if that villain of their life is gone, they make a new one from a new space. So, I feel that we like it or not, none of us can live without a villain. May be to keep the journey in pursuit of happiness going as there is no fun in a Villain-less life.

Trip to India

Arrived India last night after a long visa and residence permit fight. It was a nice on time journey of 8 h and as usual full of fellow Indian with discrete mentality of pride...may be I may looking the same to them as well. And what happens when two Indian sit to waste time in journey...they talk about Indian politics...n so what started with me as well. Luckily or unluckily the guy beside me coming from Denmark turned out to be extreme pro-congressi. He was appreciating all of the utter useless fellows from PM to Sibal as people of great integrity. I was so annoyed listening his bull-shits that at one point I literally told him that you are completely brained washed. Anyway journey completed and I got rid of him, again me be he was feeling the same hehehe.

Generation of 140 characters

Discovery of twitter and facebook have been revolutionary. It gave world a new way of sharing where governments across the world couldn't censor the information to save there own asses. But the witch hunt has already started as well; attempts to block them. Anyway, beyond that I see another trend is new society after evolution of this social media. This society has short-term memory; how so much important an issue is as soon they are out of "trending", nobody gives a damn shit as new topic is already there. The other problem is the over-dependence on these sources. If a big crowed has started saying something, just reading those 140 character tweet people enrich their knowledge. May be its more tasty and easy way to handle the information, but there is always whole lot of background needs to learnt, only headlines are not everything. And this I think is very big problem. This is going to slowly kill the practice of researching the matter as most of us are learning to believe what is said is true and enough within its 140 characters itself.

Ageing cord

In India it a common saying for people, A rope cannot loose its twists, even if it is burnt. Sitting as a distant observer of relationships dynamics in surrounding past, and placing this lines, I spontaneously add...but it ages and thats even worse than burning. But than the question comes, can something prevent this ageing or this again an ultimate truth like one said in Bhagwad Gita. Change always raise a question in my mind initially, but I don't know something I don't find things pleasant and can't stop them either. I feel the reducing intensity, twists are loosening, it ageing!

Life in safari

I was just thinking about my unstable establishment since I left my home at Mau in year 2000. It's the 12th year now and the 9th city of the world and more than twice of that is the flat where I have lived. 3 places in Varanasi, 6 places in Allahabad during 5 years, 2 places in Kanpur and 3 in Hyderabad before leaving India. After that in next destination Delft 2 places, 3 in Amsterdam, and last one in Leiden before leaving Netherlands. Now I am in Ghent, Belgium living in temporary accommodation so the next place will add in the coming months to this town as well. It's certainly not an achievement, but an adventure with lot of troubles as well.

Holi Memories

Its Holi today in India but just another day for me here in Ghent. Day started with listening on TV that Holi is nomore as glorious as before. I don't know how much true it is certainly reminded me of memories of Holi. We were not a extreme Holi fans ever which sells most in eastern UP in form of vulgar bhajpuri songs and coloring people people with worst-possible colour, but we had its own form at home. We used to prepare colors at home, and after colouring eachother we start throwing it on the street people. But the after Holi chaos of the morning changes into the symmetry of the evening. The families from the area dressed with clotes made of same fabric print come out of there house to see eachother as if teams are walking around. I don't remember we also were part of such system ever but it was really funny. Whatever, we with a packet of Gulal used to walk to Shiva temple in nearby Sharasvati Sishu Mandir campus and then to our Gurubaba. Same route every year, same people every year; nothing used to change except we growing up to leave the place one after one. With lots of torturous years between, now its the same day today and nobody except my father is there to walk on those paths without us accompanying him.

The missed call

Somehow I believe that, freedom of India was nothing more a transfer of power and nothing as such Independence was achieved that day. My belief lies on those many unaddressed calls which should have been taken by ours so called government in least few years of declared independence. One such call was empowering our native languages. Living abroad for few years and meeting people of different nationalities, I found how competent the people with there learning in native languages are, in terms of there fundamentals and scientific skill. They are the people who have ruled the world of science and technology without reading american books but there own native language book. From Germany, Russia to the civil war countries from form Yugoslavia and now conspicuous China, story is the same. We as a country of multi-lingual but highly knowledge honouring society at that time have completely not just ignored this point but push the imperial thought which should have left the country along with last ship of Britishers. And the most of all which suffered in this was our development as a knowledge based society. The confidence lacking basic learning in scientific subjects for generations thereafter is limited to the content rather than essence. Thats how the new generation prefers to work for American software companies and BPO but fails to carry the confidence to create the same degree of challenging technologies which it should have, being part of the bigger supporting crowd. To divert the focus from this need, the debate was created on the name on hindi or non-hindi which shows the swallow thought of our policy-makers. The divided country never learnt to learn everything in there own mother tongue to benefit the society, let it be in hindi, tamil, telgu or anything and generation by generation loosing its identity of torch-bearer of global-knowledge.

So, it is just one of the missed calls which Governments in India should have taken, but they are busy importing shops of American universities in India which can create some more manpower for the rest of the world machinery to run doesn't matter own machinery fails.

PS: I am not Anti-American, but a believer that we in India need to achieve a greater sense of self-reliance for the so called "Independence" which is celebrated every year on 15th August. 

Ringed

Rings were never a common thing for my finger unlike for majority of Indians for superstitious reason. This doesn't mean that I have never been superstitious but somehow I never found it comfortable. Now, when I am married, it's part of identity and people often see it to find that I'm married. But, whatever was there, nothing has changed in me from that aspect; it used to bite me earlier and it bites me even now. And, thats how I often decide I am not going to put it anymore, and keep it aside. But then in hours later I realise its back in my finger and I cannot recall what moment I put it back. I feel surpised, and think why didn't it bited me this hour. I smile  on myself, feel myself "ringed"  and try to forget, before it starts itching again.

Escape route of brain

Very often we come across situation when we know the thing is not right and we should do it right. Then with one or other reason we commit it knowing that it's not good. But, does this feeling continues? I don't think so! Most of us in a sooner time find a excuse and in a little later even start believing in it. It's interesting to see why and how this happens? Ever since such thing happens in our life the brain which is mostly righteous starts trying to fill the damage made on self-image. And in this exercise it tries to fit a reason for the action and also make us live that new belief. And that's how life finds it escape route and that we sarcastically call life how it is.

Something for today..rest of tomorrow

Chasing the infinite has always been a biggest chase among mathematicians. But, we as a commoner's life, have simple solution to all what we have for-say infinite; from problems to fun, from challanges to solutions everywhere. And that simple solution is lets take some for today and rest will be for tomorrow! By practice, this tomorrow is infinite in all of ours life and this today is simple discretisation of that infinite "thing". Isn't it so simple! Well I feel this same simplicity has benefited the world most in all walks of life and it will be, only that we should be able to realise this discretion. I mean, how small is too small and how big is too big! when we know the balance every infinity is as simple: something for today..rest of tomorrow.

Between the big sea

Started my PhD today at UGent. It was not an easy decision for me where I had to choose between a professional and an academic carrier along with personal life. But finally with all set of analysis I decided to go for academics. All set go I started today and day gave me a feeling like I have been in the middle of the sea with nothing and I neither know the swimming nor the direction. Let's hope will also see the coast someday :).

Across the border

Born as a Indian from whichever part, you always know what a country border means having Pakistan as the neighbour. But this was not the same! I moved with all my household from Netherlands to Belgium yesterday; no border checks no immigration hassles nobody with guns and lethal weapons nothing. Before I left, my friends and colleagues from place of work arranged a goodbye party, gifted a travel guide for Belgium and a very beautiful card (will post when I get access to scanner). At was a good feeling and I was happy; not because I was leaving but as I was going for a new challenge. Anyway life started here with a night in clubs with the friends who accompanied me. I was completely tired and had got less sleep for last few nights so left back. May be I am writing too much details but just to finish mu next morning thereafter was a morning in Ghent, Belgium and will be same for next couple of years.

Matrix of love n no love

There may be billions of people but we all in a microscopic-view live in clusters with unions and intersections. And of these people some we love and some we don't. It sounds very simple but it is not. People you love not always love or loved by the same people as well and worst happen when it is not just indifference to that people. Being a social animal this flow of two different energy makes the lives skewed; finding balance between two sides of the triangle. But that makes world a interesting place. You cannot change it so just celebrate your existence in that matrix n do the best.

Reservation for what?

Divide n rule is said to be one of the collusive policies by Britishers in India before independence but it's hard to find that it changed for the government there. Congress party which claims to have its root in the fight for freedom seems to learn it as the only lesson from imperialising power. Recent attempts to implement reservations for the Muslims is one in the same direction. I can understand the logic for SCs and ST for a while saying that they were harnessed for generations by the same people who will now feel less privileged by new situation. But how about Muslims! They ruled India for more than 800 years; made countrymen all suffer and become backward from rest of the world by banning creative and positive thinking. And now they should be given reservation!!!! On cost of whom? People whom they made suffer at their time because they were not Muslims! Certainly they need to be brought up in society for contribution of all sections of society but not by giving unfair advantage. They need to be integrated not differentiated by another means. Well, to reserve their positions in power our political forces can give reservation to anyone.

Coexistance n relationships

I have always thought about myself and others as individual about what is purpose of life, but a thought came of co-existance. Why for some relations despite of same roots don't share the closeness in long run, while the other despite of great divergence converge to be one happily. In public life its the relatively simple to be purely selfish and profitable relationship which always works till both are enough befitting if not equal. Some of them break this rule and move to a next level of closer relationship- the convergence. But what about those which emerged together, shared the warmth but got separated with time. I think somewhere it happens due to lack of vision. Vision which stops us to see the other person as another individual with his/her own quality, choices and priorities. When people forget that the other person is not me, all these look like conflict and every single action is unforgivable assault. No choice left accept divergence. But do not forget..Forgiving doesn't make the person who hurt you feel better, it would have and will make YOU feel better! 

Another side of life

Rowing across ups n down of life so far, I am now to the 2nd part- I am married! Life has added a new avenue; nothing is unshared anymore. Some say its loss of freedom other see it as sense of togetherness. Whatever! everyone is free for his/her perception and I am just trying to realise the change. Travelled north to east finding both side of relatives trying to speak each other languages to show acceptance for the change.

Gent-trip

Had a trip to Belgium yesterday for an interaction. Its amazing here in Western Europe with country setup like this; a 2.5 hrs journey in train and I was in different country without formalities. Well one more country added to my portfolio of visited country and mostly probably a country shortly moving to live-in (not sure at this point). More dry but greener than Netherlands, it is city of students (almost 30 %), so with a very young population like Delft where I started my dwelling abroad . I liked the new place, lets see what is there in future!

Gandhian to be great?

Its great to Gandhian! but does it mean that, to be great you have be Gandhian?! Now-a-day media debates about Anna Hazare in India at-least believe in same. I never understand how Gandhian can be such a hardliner where you have no space to fuse it with other successful ideologies whom you believe in unless they are not notoriously successful. In a youth summit Chetan Bhagat talked about the same apprehension about himself asking not to called him Youth Icon. First people and media labels the person as a particular kind of Icon and later the same sources start demanding and questioning, 'If you are icon why don't you behave like this; If you are icon how can you did this!' Anna Hazare is becoming victim of the same maze. I wish he ignores it all. A person of his status doesn't need a label to be great.

Jobs-less world

Sometime back while an interview in NASSCOM Bangalore Guy Kawasaki, Former chief evangelist of Apple Computers said that statistically speaking India should have atleast four Steve Jobs. Since then and now, when world has lost its one and only Steve Jobs, the question remains that what makes Steve Jobs...the determination for perfection or something else? Very contradicting views and answers to this can be found from his pre-success colleagues. But one thing can be said about Steve's life without controversy that his life path extraordinarily tortuous, esp. to be a world class technology entrepreneur when he was busy looking for spiritual visit to India in a age when we all learn basics of science and technology. Whatever! his fair existence and impact to the world was not just a chance or a miracle; he was great in all what he did. He was certainly and extraordinary visionary to beat all the extraordinarily tortuous paths of his life. Apple computers in guidance of Jobs sold the dreams, the i-Dreams in form of products which could have only been the dream without him.

Job's world will miss you as an entrepreneur, as a visionary and a person who can inspire many more!

Time flies

Yet another year passed and a very special day of my life is back. I don't know how to say it special in bitter way; its now end of 2nd year without my mother...how to say it special in good way as well as it is start of 8th year on my blog...no comparability between two either. Well, the day started with walking around in the Leiden city to find some flowers for my mother. It is Sunday morning and except churches nothing is open today. Well, I wanted to get something anyhow n reached till church..a man stopped me, asking do you believe in God.I said 'no and I am busy now'. Some people still try here to find someone who can come in church for Sunday prayer, otherwise they are nothing different than monuments. Anyway, I walked but can't see a shop still while mind was busy cooking this question. My mother was great believer of God and I was great agnostic. There is lot of unanswered questions for life which leaves you with God, but beyond these Q&A, its hard to be believer. He or she is creator and everything goes by his (her) wish only, as temples, churches, mosque and more over our mother told us. I think even if there is someone who did it all, he (she) lost his (her) remote control after switching ON the whole system. Also, as across the religion people believe in preaching, it seems God must be someone who was Sarkari babu in past and got the position by deputation. So he can't do anything by his own vision unless, is requested politely n bribed (chadhawa) to the worst. I don't want to be funny, I am serious! If there is God, how he(she) can tolerate so much of malfunction in the system and does nothing except to add some more in it from time to time.

Whatever! I can't find an answer to it anyway..so lets hope that the next time when I will be sitting for this occasion I will have a better reason to believe in God and celebrate the existence.

How many Kalam's

Saw the movie I am Kalam today. I was nice experience. I always believed in vision n movie was the thought provoking for the same. I loved the way it was put forward through a kid. In a time when we are all pointing fingers on each other only the true dreamers n walk-out n make their own way. Kalam is certainly the icon of the same. He proved how when nothing is in favor of you how to fight back n prove yourself..how to have a vision and follow it with all strength. Few years back I read that vision without action is mere dream, looking on Kalam we know man without dream is no human..ofcourse it needs a dare to follow it. We are country full of people with dream, country full of Kalam's.  

Jugad to Management.

Its hard to find exact match for Indian word Jugad in any English dictionaries, but it is something in genetic code of people of Indian origin. It was in news today that people of Indian origin are getting leading management positions in top most companies of the world, It is not just the sign of acceptance of Indian talent in world market but also the growing impact of Indians across the world. But, looking inside the country although the number of engineering and management colleges have increased almost with the same exponential rate, the quality of education has gone down with the same rate as well. In this case natural talents, although lesser nourished manage to become engineer and manager and mostly manager after engineer. And this is creating a big problem also. Systems cannot be always run on jugad, at some point we need people hard in basics, who worked hard in their past to understand it rather than just mugged up the jugad notes to manage to be engineers-managers. This big fleet of untrained jugad mangers are going to be bring a new challenge to the country.

Problem of Satisfied Civilisation

India as a civilisation, which had great history of innovation and conceptualisation has acted like dumb in last 500 years. We have been suffering from food-to-mouth disease for all these centuries despite of all pride carried from past. Lot of changes happened in society; some were to counter its own anomalies developed in these days but lesser were driven by internal will power to make a mark. We are taught right from basics that “Santosham paramam sukham” (Contentment is the highest bliss) and sooner or later we all learn to believe it. Some places its a good teaching, but who is going to tell that..it not all. What is not good in life should not be answered always with contentment, we need to find the solution. This lack for effort often lead to solutions of our problem by others unrelated which lacks effectiveness. Local problems always need local solutions or atleast customization of global solution. Our constitution is one good example of one such solution which is good but how many holes are there we all see in daily life. As a satisfied customer we couldn't find even the right solutions, and fail to explore the possibilities in the right perspective.

Therefore we as a civilisation it is time for us to keep our learnings of contentment aside to become discontent and find solutions for our problems. Problems like hunger, drought, corruption, flood and mis-management of natural resources cannot be solved without local initiative. We can find the solution of all the problem if we can find the solution to the problem of satisfied civilisation.

Listening Inside First!

US nabbed and as said killed Osama...big to small all cadres of people in India started jumping high on their chairs, ‘why not we can do it?’ Same happens to other issues like solving issues related to Bhopal tragedy, disclosure of black money in foreign banks, getting permanent seat in UN Security Council etc etc. We always keep on complaining that others are not listening to us even though we are big enough country atleast in terms of number to not to be ignored. Well, we have been crying and will keep crying as its now part of our culture. But amazingly we never try to ask the same question from us that are we listening to our own people and acting on those grounds where we and only we are suppose to act? After independence of more than half of the decade we still living with problem of hunger, homelessness, illiteracy, corruption at all level, discrimination based on every fringe of society and all that which stops the common man to live a common life! We are simple pointing fingers on others without looking on us. India first needs to make its own bones and veins strong to let the world understand its capabilities and without which all outcries are just an attempt to remove sour out of throat.

Relax you are Secular!

It was Good Friday here in NL so as was in India; Chirstians are majority here in NL and very-less in India; But it was working day here in NL and holiday in India. Every little reason in India converts into public holiday..someone born, somebody died..and if nothing let all take a bath n a holiday for that. And if anything do for masses is give them a reason for holiday. India as a country of religious diversity its amazingly stupid that a reason for holiday for merely 1-3% of the population stops the work life of 97% and they all don't work for no reason. As a country if it is tried to be reasionable and stop it, its going to be a big debate.  People trying for it will be labelled communal, not respecting other religion. Its a big mess where workmanship is less preached than religion..so just relax you got to be secular!

The Richer Journey

We all want to be rich; even those with all form of richness want to be even more rich. Some find it in material world, some in spiritual. And it comes on the cost of all the moment you would have lived without the desire of that richness. So is that the real richness we want for our life...my answer is certainly no. Life is a journey and if that whole journey is not rich, no other form of richness can give that satisfaction. But what is that richness? In my eyes, is the feeling of living our present in full and a conserved memories of past for every single thing you did to make life beautiful. And that richness is always a journey, where you feel the riches of life in form all what you have gone and going through. It sounds very spiritual but in my version its more like living yourself in more consciousness; nothing more! without any additions or reduction in the current life form...just to enjoy the richer journey.

The spirit of giving all

Saw an interview of AR Rahman, this morning on NDTV. It was like listening to my own vision for life although much more to be done to live that vision in me as I am not a legend (btw I don't need to tell that either ). He was talking about the artistic need for distruction of self ego which I believe to be as much needed in anyother walk of life. I think there is a very thin line between pride and proud. The pride is very much needed for any quality creation but nothing can be as toxic as being proud as it very soon takes your control out of you. The other important thing I liked was when he spoke about the readiness to give and its importance for sustained richness in professional achievement. The more you give the more you get should also be mantra for life, because if we just try to retain the knowledge or skill we have in ourself within us, it is going to make us stagnant. Unless we leave the previous ground we can never move to the next ground, the common physical phenomena we see n do every day. All we need to understand that, same is true even for the other parts of life also. Believe in you, your luck-destiny-thrust whatever you feel-like, and give away your current best to move forward..you will get next best and don't stop there.

Dreams and the realities

Sitting on San Francisco Airport for the way back to Amsterdam. It was amazing experience with lot of learning, fun and syndication. The idea of Think Big was reflecting everywhere in Silicon valley in form of entrepreneur implementing every crappy to wonderful ideas at big scale. Same time, it was also an opportunity to see the shallowness of big American dream and culture. Lot of people where lying in streets and surprisingly much more elderly people on Friday nights begging when rest of the city of which I was also part was trying to explore night-life of San Francisco. The big rift between the two parts of same society exists unlike any part of world despite of huge money flow in the system. Whatever, my feeling for now is that, although whole lot of realities and dreams of life are waiting on the other side of the ocean, San Francisco we will meet again. 

Finally in Valley of Dreams

So finally i reached to Silicon Valley after a year later than expected. But, year later than never, and my entrepreneurial spirit got a boost with the feeling that, success may come late but it does comes we don't give up. Only that its not like last year for me, was not so excited right from start as uncertainties were lingering more than  feeling of being here if I succeed from past year experience. But whatever, once I am here I can feel it happened really and my real dreams for life would not be dreams always n I am not far from them either if I would be persistent towards them. The valley boy still needs to emerge, and coming days will give some more lessons and energy.

Bunch of Buggers!

Cultural diversity isn't something to be proud. It shows how u historically failed to develop infrastructure to bring cultural fusion. It was a thought from one of my friend on facebook which was an open discussion thereafter with lot of counter-acting comments. It is quite thought provoking for me too also because only few weeks back I had read “2 States” by Chetan Bhagat. Whatever, I was somehow very much agreed to the thought and also because of my understanding of the cultural diversity and current exposure to the western society, which makes me think that. The whole concept of diversity not just exists because of geographical but social regions. We in India although are very social, our priorities and actions in life are not governed by personal expectations from life and basic Maslow’s needs but are controlled by others dreams and social rules. So, there are more walls than bridges. Historically because of some driven interests and comfort of choosing less-challenging path have not just thicken these walls but also made more and more inside. This social behaviour is exactly opposite in the western open society concept which is somehow more challenging but more realistic with respect to acceptance of basic human needs. And so diversities are not controlled by social limits but just local conditions. 

Anyway, western influence is increasing in india. But its important for our societies under transition to understand there is something more to learn from west beyond McDonalds, Pepsi, Pizza, Rock music and all…we need whole lot of buggers across the society who are convinced that lame-old rules are needed to be broken, some new are to be established to give a fresh breath for society. Its a process and somewhere it has started too...

The hope and the faith

It was late night at Belgium Bar with friends in Delft, just like any other nightout there. We were all high after couple of drinks when a guy came to table and offered a game in chess. My friends who were already looking for a reason for the next drinks pushed me saying, come'on you are an Indian, we know you guys play chess, you have to play! I don't understand who invented this bad idea of chess in pub, but whatever, the game started with one guy on alcohol and other on cola...yes, the clever fellow was himself sipping cola! but somehow beer lubricated my mind or the other guy was insanely tipsy on cola itself that I had to guide him and tell that take care you will loose your key players on board. It continued till he got benefits of constantly raising alcohol level because of my drink and instantly collected mine like a child! well I opened my eyes first time in game to play and gave a mate after a little trouble. The cola man got up from his seat saying, Man you spoiled my night, nobody defeated me here before..how you did? I sincerely doubt his claim but other side effect of alcohol appeared and I spoke my heart. I said, Man, you know what is hope and what is faith? you had a lot of hope on others to loose but no faith on self that you will win! I had only that and I won it despite of loosing all my majors in game...just have it you will not loose next time.
It was almost 3 and we returned flying back home!

Why India lacks innovation

Corruptions news are hot cakes for news channels to keep them running and these stories are been watched nothing different from the 24 hr Ramanyan display anymore. But behind this all corruption and money, a huge social pull-back is also there which brings a question. What is happening, why we don't have innovation except in the field of corruption. After globalization, enormous amount of money has flooded in India; a lot people touched it and lot rest atleast smelled it. This smellers lot is the middle class of India, which is ready to be rich at any cost. In any nation this is the class which drives the wheel of innovation, by daring to look the world in a different perspective. A sense of nothing to loose and to gain the real vigor of life brings the thrust in it. But this is not working in India as it should be. Lot of easy money has come and along with the shine of money, which has spread a puesdo supply-demand equations. Surprised to see a country where only few decades back majority of people were living all life to improve the afterlife are busy ironically turned otherway around. Kabir has summed it up all in two lines, ages ago.
Kanak kanak te sau guni, madhakta adhikay.
Ja khaye boraye nar ba paye boray.
(Gold/riches are a hundred times more addictive than drugs.
Drugs make us crazy only when ingested, but riches, merely by having them).

There is no India...

Even outside India very often i get the feeling why India not to be called as a country. People should be allowed to better put their state stamps on their passport to workout the sick mind. One year of my stay here I saw so many marathis, gujjus, u.p. waale bhaiya and all, and I'm surprised how they manage to retain their individuality so well after staying so far and long from their areas where the real poison exists! A chennai-anna last week in a gathering almost jumped looking at me, with excitement and asked "chennaiiya???" and as soon I said no! Banaras and he almost ran away, never asked me for anything else beyond that! But it was just one of the case. We are apprehensive to talk about it mostly but somehow it exists and keep looking for its opportunity to grow. I don't know how much national integrity matters for these people but surely, its something which i feel should wait for a crisis-time like war to prove ourselves as a country.

Krishna Himself

I have been listening lot of philosophies from Hindu Religion and about what Lord Krishna said, but it was first time when I was so much frustrated. Well before going itself to ISKCON here in Amsterdam , I had no high opinion except that for the food but it will be so ridiculing, i couldn't imagine. While entry there was a musical performance in don't know which language out of which I only grabbed Hare-Rama-Hare-Krishna-Krishna-Krishna-Hare Hare. But, whatever it was from full devotion and so was good to listen. After that Mr. GodMan came. I have no other words for him as he was as sure as Krishna himself were there in his words. So, Mr. GodMan started talking about Krishna putting himself as example bringing redlight district and pleasure of marijuana in context to explain his high thought. But the worst came when finally he tried to be Obama and told audience to ask questions and somebody asked him about form of GOD and the shapelessness or not? He turned on fire! saying people who believe that Deity can be an inobject are rascals! I was shocked..atleast a so called Swami shall refrain from such language. After that he spread somemore bullshit but I was immune by that time. We as a common man, who never preach on Dharma also are taught from the childhood about the Sakaar-Bramh and the Nirakaar-Bramh. We know it from heart that its the state of union-ness to the supreme not a antonym. It so obvious and simple Hindu phylosophy which anyone who claims himself to be Swami must be knowing and should have explained like that only, but it was not! I recalled a line from Bertrand Russell a british phylosopher after longtime between this all, "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubt"

One more Dham: Amster-dham

The journey which started from 81, harikeshpura has reached to a new city Amsterdam. I could have written this before but it was like a transit stay in the city before in a longer journey which started right from Delft to Mau. But between these days lot of people whom I said that I stay in Amsterdam, were amazed to listen. Nothing different, I also used to think the same, but now when I'm here its time to realize how much it was true. Atleast in the initial walk around the city I didn't see anything surprising. The perception so far is the city, which is same as any other Dutch city with a little more crowd being capital. But, as it is said there is much depth in the sea, and making a guess from the shore is waste, lets see how its goes before I move to my next Dham (abode). 

दिन ..महीने ..साल..

हिंदी-अंग्रेजी कैलेंडरों के झगड़े के बीच मम्मी के बिना एक साल पूरा होने का कार्यक्रम भी पूरा हो गया अग्रेजी कैलंडर से ३ दिन खिसक कर|खिसक कर ही सही, इसके सिरे से जुड़े हम सब घर में बहुत दिनों बाद इकठ्ठा हुए| चीजें काफी कुछ बदली भी थी और कहीं नहीं भी...घर के अंदर मम्मी के मोर्चे को बड़ी भाभी ने सम्भाल लिया था और उसी अंदाज में पहुचते ही गेहूं के ड्रमों में चल रही घुनो की पार्टी में रुकावट पैदा करना शुरू कर दिया| घर के बाहर, शहर में बदलाव के नाम पर मोबाइल क्रांति ऐसे आ गयी थी जैसे धीरू भाई का सपना पूरा करने का ठेका मऊ शहर ने ही ले रक्खा हो| और बाकी सिस्टम का क्या पूछना, बैंक और एटीएम् ऐसे थे जैसे वहाँ सब गरीबी रेखा का राशन कार्ड लिए खड़े हो, और गाँधी जी की शक्ल वाले कागज फ्री में मिलने वाले हों..लगे रहो लाइन में! (कागज ही उचित शब्द है क्यूँ की निकलने के बाद तो वो ऐसे तोड़े-मरोड़े जाने वाला है की वो अपने करेंसी बिल होने की फीलिंग बनिए की दुकान पर ही कर पायेगा)| और जो बात नहीं बदली थी उनमे से एक है हम लोगों का खेत और उसकी निगरानी पद्धति...हमारे छुटपन से लेकर इस बार तक, हर मुलाकात में अपने जल्दी ही मरने का दावा करती हम लोगों का खेत देखने वाली, अभी भी उसी लगन से अपने से अगर कुछ बचा तो बतौर एहसान घर पंहुचा रही है| इन सब के बीच हम लोग भी अपनी पहचान से जुड़े उस घर में बदलाव का हिस्सा ही थे, जो वैसे तो सन्नाटे से भरा रहता है, उन दिनों आबाद था|

Dreams & The Dustbin!

In India, street rag pickers are common phenomenon, and their survival need level matches with the cost of waste, which let them feel that their basic needs are fulfilled. But, there is also a big class with a slightly different next level of need. The class with wish for... a fridge which is more than big enough, a washing machine with latest technology (although available supporting infrastructure are ignored in that dream) and a big screen TV which would have best if it were LCD, and so on...  This thought came in my mind after seeing one such big size LCD tv and washing machine near a bin this morning. It was nothing new observation for me in last one year, but a thought also floats in mind! how much a waste to one matches with the need of next. Only that, sometime they are geographically together, sometime they're apart...

Why not we..

After two WW-II movies today and between daily news of life and death game in naxalite areas in India, the question of value of life and its purpose, pokes me. Why people in countries like us don't dare to stand and speak the truth, live-and-die for it. The world war destroyed major Europe and deleted two cities of Japan but they all emerged out of it, to be even more lustrous than before, but then why we didn't even though we were not so bad. And the mind puts several assumptions, probably we never saw the real pain as a nation to build as a nation; we never realised the glory of victory in last 2000 years of recorded history to cherish and sustain it; we chose wrong hero and ideal in history, which never let us be aggressive to live our dream (atleast I hope nobody dreams of living in the sick system even if he/she is sick to react against it). The big elephant is sleeping...needs to wake up before its too late.

In Dutch way...

We have common punchline in India, "Hum Kamate Kyun Hain, Khane ke Liye!", but looking into the dutch way of living and especially food system, its doesn't seems so obvious. Noticing this for last couple of months, locals with a poly-bag containing a banana, a apple. 3-4 pcs of bread with some cheese or hem. in their hand riding to the workplace. I looks amazing to even to a person like me who is not so tongue twister in Indian context that how you can live with so dry looking meal and thats too everyday with very limited variation.!! Whatever, its also gives their indication of work-centered lifestyle not the food centered. Having a limited vision of these individual lives I can't give the wholistic view of a dutch living but I know that, when its time to rest they also enjoy the moment to the best...managing their life to the most. Thats just life, we say here, "dutch people rule nature".

Medal of Poverty

Was watching a TV report on a news channel, how people are trying to hide their assets which are being accounted in the current census. There is amazing psychology working behind the whole action. Already the benefits provided by the government to the poor have less effectively reached to the ground, those who have been getting it want to keep getting it life long as if they deserve nothing better than that! The disclosure of their assets which has improved may cease their eligibility to get benefits given by government. In such circumstances how they can let it happen...they are trying their best to save their medal...

A Different Eye

Posted a small video from movie Swadesh last night on facebook where a  child is selling water; with a thought that our governments assume to achieve developed country status by 2020 even though this lies in reality. In response I got a mail from my friend this morning equally worried saying, 'yes, don't know how much water will be there by 2020!'. It left me surprised and annoyed, his in-sensitiveness. Any stupid technology can solve the whole water problem all of sudden someday, but what about life! lives of hundred and thousands of children who don't get a chance to shine when it was the their time. And no technology, any-day any-how can bring that time back

Biking to the Sunset

How crazy it would be if you say, its nice weather lets go to the beach in city next by bicycle! At least, in India I can't imagine, but that what I did today here in Netherlands.  Sitting in the office in a nice sunny weekend was boring and in a moment me and my flatmate decided to bunk the office to go to Scheveningen beach in Den-Haag, the city next to Delft. We biked all across city getting lost and finding path to the place. It was a beautiful experience in my words because we were lost several time. The real fun lies always in exploring...walking on known path has no fun. Anyway we reached somehow to Kijkduin beach (changed our mind on the way) seeing all the beauties on the way and now thoughtlessly lying on the beach watching sun going down in the sea slowly, ships going one by one far away! few hours of carelessness ended with ended with the thought that we have to go since we don't have lights in our bikes...one thing without which you are not allowed to ride bicycles here :)

Coconut Loyalty

My flat-mate's parents were here last week, so was a bigger India in our house. Got some Indian flavour after long time which they brought with them and also the fragrance of the culture. I was forgetting the experience with my South Indian room-mates in Hyderabad, how they used you live in a high pitch world of communication; got refreshed. Struggled to sleep everyday in their presence...but it was just one challenge. Anyway, I was there for one of their sight-seeing with them and went to the Tulip gardens. We went inside, roam around and then we were on a shop were they wanted to buy something to eat...they asked for icecream and there came the loyalty. They reject whole ice-cream expertise of the region with one simple demand, "do you have coconut flavour?...no! then we don't want it". I was enjoying the talk..typical Indian-ness!!!

Statistically loved

Just from a random thought from Google’s idea of collecting most popular key words found that number of hits for Love as a keyword gets about 1,340,000,000 results while for Hatred is only about 15,100,000 results. So, statistically almost 89 times more demanding than hate. There's a big market sitting over it!!!

What it mean to be...

Life is a examination...everyone says and don't know how correct it is to say as we are surely surrounded by a lot of questions, but few of them find their answer and most never ever. I think you are never a successful living being just because you solved lot many questions out of them but, it remains with how happy you are with minimum number of answers you have. Knowledge space has no boundaries and ambitions have no heights to achieve what it remains is where you are going say, I am done! its not so simple either as little less is a cowards life and little more is a cowboy's. Venturing life to achieve its best is also an art, undefinable!

Beyond names

Last weekend went partying, with a good night in The Hague and a bad day in Amsterdam. But in between I just wanted to share the lessons I got before and between these days, which reflect the partying culture here. I don't know learn't is right word or not since I didn't adopt most of them but this happens to others lessons of life too, only few qualify to get adopted. Anyway so few of them were like...bathing in morning is a Superstition we carry since birth in India...even though you have not bath..you are fresh, its all about how you feel yourself...otherwise you will be bathing whole day. Next one is, even though you are boosed you are not drunk....so carryon...but next day if you have hangover don't panic, take it easy have one more beer you will be OK!!!!! and during parties a common sentence between smokers...lets do something useful, lets make a joint (its a kindof handmade cigarette with weeds)....lol what a usefulness in life!!!!
And finally to leave these lessons unquestionable the last lesson, life is beautiful...beauty lies in the eyes of beholder...so your eyes are you own and keep it with you.

Solving Ego

Working on different projects in my program now a day..trying to define scope and deliver the solutions for every, but the problem state is mostly more of individual than by the system itself. Perception of problem and application of his/her knowledge somehow to show the participation in the whole process shows how human factor controls the problem statement. And through this finally, even the solution being delivered is guided...so the whole solution process remains nothing more that ego solving efforts by different people in the process and solution become object oriented than the process oriented...delivering compromise reports!

Endless Truth

Completed 6 months also after mummy, roaming around to find my goal and live her values. Bhagwad Gita still guiding as usual as before, not letting me down. Saying stay focus on your purpose, don't worry about success and failure, keep going...there is no happiness or grief, no profit or loss. Perform because its nature of human, not because what will be result of work, rather I or anyone in this world has no choice to stop from deed, only what I can do is, to make a choice of one. If the deed is beyond the dire of failure and happiness of success you can give your best to it. My mother kept teaching us whole life without reference...hope I understand it now to follow it ahead.

Living in Lilliput

Facing too many problem now a day because of communications and speech now a day. Some say, I speak too fast for them to understand, some don't even try to understand and reject the argument even before I finish. In such a situation I keep scratching my head that its a problem of aptitude or attitude. The more I try to be like them the more I get a feeling of being pushed out of ring. Things I hate most, appearing in worst form and all I get is the space to smile and walk-out or hate them. I adopt the first way but lets see how long it can be worked out like this. I can't cut my legs to be shorter like them and can't make them taller either! hope to get a compromise between all....

Organised Chaos

My idea of creativity lies in the chaos of everyday but really feel jealous when I see people who can organise their creativity to come out with an innovation. I never understood how they do it, how someone can plan a natural flow...something like water, something like love, something like art- a poem...every bit looks so hard to me when I try to fix my self in such pictures. And finally feel I am better a engineer, 'm not blessed enough, can never organise my chaos...can never be an innovator...

No where in Silicon Valley

Its 201st blog entry on my blog and if this morning I had left for Silicon Valley, this might had comeout with some other thoughts when I had been there. Anyway, the whole incidence or the accident gave some lessons for the life which can be shared. The whole process and events to get to silicon valley was although a very nice experience with course classes with really enthusiastic and intelligent people but the process of going to silicon valley needed VISA to US which was the most pathetic part of it. We all see the US system of deceitful response to terrorism, identifying it not by what has been done, but who has done; saving David Hadely in their own country and destroyed whole Iraq for getting one person. Truth be told, lessons be learnt, before the day when I will be there to make my mark... 

The Confidentiality Bug

The innovation bug is most often seen in society where people try to look different try something innovative, something different but I came across a new bug here, the Confidentiality Bug...People want to keep every shit of information as confidential, with belief who knows someday will become important. Living and working in open environment of India where all sort of knowledge was Open Source, I never realised that we need to start a campaign for getting things in public domain. Working in a socialist country here in Holland I presumed that this openness will be even more as it reflects in societal get-up and culture but its completely other way round atleast in science and technology domain. My perception towards science is that its a united effort of mankind to unlock the codes of nature to help the mankind...then what is the meaning of second confidential clause...are we just trying to change the owner of lock!!!

अभी कल ही तो था...

पीछे घूम कर कभी सोचता हूँ तो अजीब सा एहसास होता है..सब कुछ अभी कल ही तो था, कल ही तो हम सब भूसे वाली कोठारी में पकते आमों पर नजरें जमाये बैठे थे, कल ही तो हमारे घर फ्रीज आई थी और ख़ुशी के मारे हम सब सर्दी में भी बरफ खा रहे थे, कल ही तो घर की आलमारी में लाइब्रेरी बना रहे थे जिनमें ज्यादा तर किताबें हम सब के हाथों की सफाई से हासिल थीं, बगल के कमरे की एक आलमारी जिसमे हमसब अपनी-अपनी इंजीनियरिंग स्किल के प्रदर्शन करते हुए की तोड़फोड़ का सामान संग्रह कर रही थे,  घर में कंप्यूटर खरीदने के लिए झिकझिक कर रहे थे, घर में इनवर्टर लगा और उस अंधकार युग का अंत हुआ जिसमे हम लैम्प में पढाई कम और फतिंगे ज्यादा जलाते थे...और जाने कितनी ही बातें जो हम सब से जुड़ी हैं ...सब कुछ इतनी तेजी से बदला सा लगता है जैसे कल ही था...

Stop and Think

Working with strange people here. Some have voices some have action and all towards you deserve to have non. Working for my previous job it was like I had a great team dynamics, but here I feel so much isolated and cornered sometime that become reluctant to make opinion even. Competitiveness looks so ugly here that running to achieve some stupid target by all in a very serious moods irritates and frustrates me. We had a project management training some time back where we were told how be not too much goal oriented and stop and think before start working on some assignment, but all perished. It will be great adventure to see what happens in new group projects.

Justice for whom

Equality for everyone is always the mission statement for all the world philanthropist organisation, but now a day reading about silicon valley, find that the big rift in society has not of sudden evolved. The system of equation of dominance can be understood well by the silicon valley story. This is the story of a thick line of present between the visionary and the followers. The difference of reality between the across of the road worlds in silicon valley. One which contains people who were there to follow their heart and committed to loose themselves for their dream and one on the other side who were their to live their present. The old order of Indian society would have surely evolved in the same fashion which slowly lost its capacity of natural selection and went into inheritance. If we can contain that social equation surely the natural justice is the best justice to bring the equality...and respect to the visionaries.

Warmth

Cross-posting from my Family Blog:
If I look back, so far it was probably the most exciting day of my life this day in year 2000! Being youngest amongst all I had never holded a new born baby and it was first time for me. First time, that too of my sister. It was night 9'O clock like something and winter-full-fog was so dense that I can't see my own bicycle front tyre (looks like exaggeration, but it was really like that) when I was going to Fatima hospital. But finally it was such a great feeling to see the baby in a red and yellow sweater coming out of delivery room and grab him for the first time that I forgot everything for a while! found myself busy talking to the new-man between us, till mummy said its already too late...it's going to be like 1'O clock, go back home and relax to return. And I carried that warmth all way back home, which was enough to force-out all fog and cold of that night.

Welcome for Silicon Valley

The entrepreneurial dreams of mine found some more feather today when i started with a new course on learning's from silicon valley, a course to discuss the importance and feasibility of knowledge based culturing. Truth be told, I had no idea how this course was going to help me achieve my dream except that I am going to see the mecca of Entrepreneurs towards the end of the course and that is sufficient to give me energy to drive me enough to the course. The introduction session today has even more fuelled my excitement get into the course. In a fist tight schedule semester, this course is like having a lavish life style in eyes of my some colleagues and superiors but I know they can't live my dreams...they are all mine.

Redefining Ideas

Finshed up with my final written exam in semester and ended up in 't Kelderke of the department with couples of drinks and talk. Talk about all nonsense and some stupid world sociology and politics. And there was the discussion or the real pomising idea hunt between all. It was an idea by a girl who in fun mood or seriously i don't know was on what makes love...passion, commitment and friendship and was of view that polyandry is a google idea since no man can give all the three on same time and life goes waste searching for a compromise in the same, if you are really desprate to find the equinoctial point you give up before you end up. It doesn't looks a realistic human idea especiallly in Indian senerio but it surely gives a light on more freedom to the class which is underneath since long time. The idea of romantic love found a new defination in new geography.

एक और रात, एक और दिन!

देखते देखते एक और साल चला गया, कुछ खुशियाँ और कहीं बड़ा गम देकर. मम्मी के बिना आज एक quarter भी पूरा हो गया और नए साल में एंट्री धमाकेदार तरीके से भी हो गयी पर ना लक्ष्य बदले हैं, ना प्राथमिकताएं और ना ही चुनौतियाँ. नए साल में उन सब के साथ वैसे ही दो-दो हाथ होने हैं. बस नया साल ये जरूर याद दिला रहा है की समय का पहिया बहुत तेज चल रहा है, इससे पहले की एक और दिन जुड़े औए एक और रात जाए, कुछ करना है उन सब सपनों के लिए जिनके लिए हम जीना चाहते हैं, जिनके साथ हम होना चाहते हैं. पता है की ये सब तब तक ही रहना है जब ये ना दिन होगा ना रात गिनने के लिए...

अच्छा है डच नहीं मैं ...

आमतौर पर विदेश में पहुचने के बाद लोगों को वहां कि संस्कृति और सभ्यता में सम्मोहित होते वक़्त नहीं लगता है, कुछ तो अपने हमवतन और उससे जुडी हर चीज को इतनी सफाई से नजर अंदाज़ कर जाते हैं कि जैसे वो कभी उससे कभी जुड़े ही नहीं थे! जो भी हो पर यहाँ पहुचने के ४ महीनों में ही मुझे भारतीय सिस्टम जिसको हम सब आये दिन गाली देते हैं पर कई बार फक्र महसूस हुआ. उसमे सबसे बड़ी बात है हमारे लोगों में पायी जाने वाली सहस्तितव कि भावना. भारी विसमता के होते हुए भी कहीं ना कहीं एक दुसरे से जुड़े हुए होते हैं, पर यहं सब कुछ उल्टा है. सब कुछ फोर्मल है यहाँ, बच्चे माँ-बाप, दोस्त दोस्त से appointment ले कर मिलते हैं और सबसे मजेदार बात ये कि यहाँ तक कि पति-पत्नी भी जब रेस्टुरेंट जाते हैं तो खाना भले ही साथ-साथ खाएं पर बिल अलग-अलग अपना अपना पे करते हैं! ये सब to इनका हाल है और इस बस formalities के बीच व्यवस्था कि पोल तब खुल जाती है जब हम उससे व्यवथा से जुड़ते हैं, उसमे सबसे ताज़ा घटनाएं मेरे लैपटॉप के रिपेयर करने कि कोशिश और होलैंड में मेरा पहली बार हॉस्पिटल का चक्कर लगाने से जुडी हैं. लैपटॉप को जो की यहाँ १५ दिनों के लगातार प्रयास से निराश हो कर जब भारत भेजा तो वहां कुछ दिनों में ही सही कर दिया. और फिर दूसरा तब जब मेरा पैर जिसमे सूजन जो की कम नहीं हो रही थी को लेकर आज जब हॉस्पिटल पंहुचा तो यहाँ से वहां और वहां से यहाँ ढेरों सिस्टम्स के जाल का फांश के फस मैं घंटों लंगड़ाता घूमता रहा, और फिर ये जाने के बाद की कोई टूट-फूट नहीं है, अंततः बिना दावा पाए ही घर लौट आया क्यूँ की दावा चाहिए तोह फिर के चक्कर लगाना पड़ता दूसरी जगह जाने का...और उसकी भी गारंटी नहीं की मिलेगी ही क्यूँ की आम तौर पे डॉक्टर यहाँ घर जा कर आराम करने की ही सलाह देते हैं...धन्य है हम भारतीय हैं...कम से -कम अपना बैक-अप तो अच्छा है...

हम क्या चाहते हैं

पिछले दिनों घर की सीढ़ी से फिसलने के बाद पैर में आई सूजन ने फिर एक बार मम्मी  के दर्द को याद दिलाया. RA के  चलते मम्मी को पैर में सूजन एक आम घटना बन गयी थी हम सबके लिए और जाहिर सी बात हैं की उसके पेन से हम सब अनजान थे या की जान कर भी कुछ हद तक अनजान थे. पर इन सब बातों और दर्द के साथ, जितने के कहीं कम पर मैंने ऑफिस से छुट्टी ले रख्खी है, वो हर रोज ऑफिस और उस बहाने हम सब की सलामती के दरखास्त लिए मंदिर-मंदिर घूमती. भगवन के होने या ना होने के या हो कर भी बेहद निष्ठुर होने की बात में जायें तो उनकी सब दौड़-भाग बेकार जान पड़ती है, जैसा की हम सब को लगती भी थी पर उन सब से अलग उनकी कोशिश उस पूरे दर्द के असर पर प्रश्न अवश्य खड़ा करती है, कि बड़ा दर्द कौन सा, मेरा या तुम्हारा. अपने दर्द के प्रति ऐसी उदासीनता कम से कम ये तो हमें सिखा ही जाती है कि, ये जरूरी नहीं कि हम क्या जानते हैं, जरूरी ये है कि हम क्या चाहते हैं.

It was a B'day Party!

Birthday party leaves me surprised, this had never happened to me before. But, it was really something different, different enough to surprise any Indian atleast. With a knowledge that one of our colleague has birthday today and wants us to be there in a bar in city-center (nothing odd if you know you are in west) we all went there after office. Party was good and we enjoyed our drinks and company of each-other for the evening but then it was time to go. Time to go but the surprise to come, and the surprise of, the way it was all ending. Everyone, took out his wallet and started paying for their drinks, n I was looking it all amazed and stunned..completely clueless, "whats this, it was a party by someone only sometime back!!!". Anyway, me too paid and walked out, but later only come to know that, this is the way they party...u have to choose your drinks, have it...n then pay for your drinks and leave!

In coherent thought still

Not a single morning still starts without my mothers thought...every day eye-opener thought! why we she left so early, if I had done this she may be there, If I had done that it all would have never happened! n so on the infinite possibilities... I don't want to dissociate myself from her, neither forget her, but the tearful mornings are ending in no energy for our shared dream! I am normal to everyone around now, much more as before...but hate to be intimate to anyone! especially when they try to show them caring me...I ain't ready to allow anyone to puncher the layer of last soft memories of my mother anymore!

Feel the Gap!

Days going pulse counter like fast, with every instance to find it's value. Our reason to be here is certainly not an heavenly error or outcome of some natural disaster; is even though not a planned looks -like space, but it needs us to be planned atleast, an organized crowd, a civilization or a society! Inherently our actions are so much beyond reasons that, we have neither a reason to walk nor to stop...but we all have been running the same race, with thats the only reason for it to be; race which fuses off somewhere suddenly and co-runners keep their self running with to a distance back glance to feel the gap

Father of Undivided India

Read Nathuram's last speech today and had seen "Mee Nathuram Godse Boltoy" some days back, it was all a great experience of looking back in history towards the martyrs of India who sacrificied their life for their ideoligies. History can't be re-written if said correctly, but the history we learn through our books right from schools looks to be highly influenced and biased by governing people. A very promising line of play saying, "he is ready to live for his values, and I am ready to die for mine.' Our history has tried to ignore all those people who struggled and died for there values, which would have made a undivided India.

Fight for Sustainable

An interesting fact came across today during the lecture, which says the thing which has contributed most to the Art and Aesthetics is love and the most for Science and Technology is war. No doubt that their is no way to put the love and the war on same table, but for a time been it gives war a acceptable place in society; society which taps their back for excellent development but the actual divining force is anti-social...what an irony...probably says that you can't achieve anything unless you are aggressively fond of it.

The Grey and the Green

Generally people ask me, what is the change over here in Delft w.r.t. India, and I have to tell something odd and escape out of it as if I say culture is different, I'll be betraying our land of diverse culture so change of culture should be something very unnoticeable to an Indian, if  i say skin colour probably I am going racist, and if I say food habit I will be crying for me being vegetarian. By the way I got a good difference between India and NL which really make two people different, it is the way we enjoy our freedom! ....here you can kiss on the road but you cannot piss on the road and there in India you can piss on the road, but kiss!!! no way, you are vulgar, you are spoiling the culture! No comment on freedom, cultures and their types.

technostart

First day to start my course on technology business taught me the lesson that the good technology is not the only one which is stolen. And it crushed my old idea of competing in new market with old technology to bring the new idea and the sky is much beyond that. I was just a beginner in the learning of entreprenuerial art, but it is really a very interesting experience to start learning the venturing skill. As dream is still alive to start my own venture, needs a lot to prove that it was not a mere dream!

The Ugly Freedom

Feeling freedom as never before now a days, free as if no accountability, no body to worry, no one to care. Its all about me, myself and I here. When I reached here, one of my friend took me to a workshop on Dutch Culture and their idea of freedom. I fairly speeking was not agree with it, but now find myself in a similar situation where I am really free, freedom which I never wished for. After returning from India it has been completely different experience for me, learning to live without all what I care about...like flying in a zero gravity region.

30-one more day

Like time waits for no one, toady its exactly a month past for it. Running in the race of life, the realization of the pain is less probably because have to run too fast now a days..too many courses, assignments and exams all in head-to-head. But, its very frustrating to see, living for the God...Just to live for his world to go on, and one fine day die to let it go even on and on. Where is the difference in human and the animals; the buildings, the short termed choked troth emotion, the life-cycle with more assembled look-like transition... but is that all!

The Big Day

Its was a big day of my blog today, my blog which started the day country got Mahatma five years ago, I lost my mother today, now the most painful day of my life. No more inspiration, no more reason to reason about. Her life was a message for us, and her death was recap of her life journey, with the pain she was carring towards the ends...better ended! although not so easy to accept it. The picture of our family has lost the focal center. This is meaningless to say that we're not going live without her, surely hard to image ourself without, the content which made us whatever we are is gone. All Sand Castle now.

Change!

Change is something which we sometimes like and mostly don’t because it breaks our settlement, but with happiness or with disappointment, we are bound to accept it. There is nothing stable in this world even as per most scientifically established principle, but than what is that change which we feel most in spite of occurring continuous? The change is nothing but invasion of two different futures in different speed. So if this future even invade in unison it will be hard to find the change in surrounding. So, the changes which are as certain as the past and the future of the present are designed to look like so.

The black and The white

Nothing of the race, it’s about the life again. We all come across difficult time in life which willingly or unwillingly needs to be face. We do it boldly or lay before it that depends on us. The greatness of life is in the fact where we come out of it to become better, prove the toughness that we are ready for even worst, lit a light of the hope in all darkness for a way forward.

Thawing life

Life has taken a 360˚ turn in last one year. This time last year I was in Hyderabad with my mother with some coughing problem which was unknowingly developing as lung cancer in her. I was busy with my life in Dr. Reddy’s, working hard to meet my work-life challenges of day-today. On return from office, I had everyday goodtime of meeting my mother who use-to be busy in watching Sai-baba TV serial that time. I used to debate her on some ethical and mythological issues while she prepares and give me dinner, and then sleep for the next day office hungama. And now, there is no Hyderabad, no tension of office, but thing which makes the gap bigger is, no loving mother around me…to talk her, tease her, to argue her. She is struggling for a lesser painful death in India and I striving to survive here in Netherlands. The pain which was all around us but had not entered inside has penetrated badly inside now in both of us in this time. I am anyway going to survive out of it, but God, please if you really there somewhere, let her go without pain, you anyway going to get most precious gem of our life. Can’t you do this for us!

Man vs machine

Facing the most ugliest truth of life, when have to sit and plan a least painful death for my mother and get for the treatment accordingly. Mind never ever freezed so badly, now when such discussions start and my brothers expect my view on practical ground. having no mean to alleviate her pain and to let her live a normal life, its how meaningful to make her increasingly painful extended life. And extended life for what?; to let her feel that she is done with all her responsibilities, which is surely tail-less, or to solve my own satisfaction that I went for the medication to end of the possibilities resulting a very painful extension for few months.
Life conditions are showing their dirtiest face, forcing to treat my loveliest mother as a physical asset rather than a human.

Some thing like last inning

After seeing the worse than hell situation in Jamshedpur, we have brought mummy to Delhi back to her very first treatment providing hospital, which is meaningfully telling that it is going to be last also since the complications have been even though controlled for a very short time, have touched their worst end. And sitting beside mummy gives me a worst feeling of sitting on a bay and silently listening and watching the SOS! signal in a wait for ship to sink. Ship which is carrying all my resource of "all physical and emotional support". After previous incidences it was clear that this all is bound to happen a day but so soon, and on such time when again I am planning to go away from her, some what more away in physical term. Why always I have to sit on fulcrums!

Need that Opium More

People in pain often move for dope, and so as I, with a bit difference. It's dope from Karl Marx's dictionary according to whom "Religion is the opiate of the people". Life situations have bent me more towards God, loving more to think in term of Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana...... Probably that's the only way to get out of my pain and give a reason to my helplessness and prevent myself from breaking down. Everyday brings some or other bad news with a feeling of slowly brittiling surroundings. Long way to go in this darkness, don't know this dope is sufficient for this night or not.

Not More Than a Dummy

Whenever-wherever life needs me to give my 100% love and care to people I am attached with, I find myself in great dilemma, mostly fail to make myself available for the time. Loose the purpose of me being there in such instances and that too when 'am not in some great business! I am just doing what others do, n keep the things going around them. sometime feel that i am just practicing for some of my own life fiasco, where i will be left alone to face the consequences. Life and its choices always amaze me, and will keep me puzzling as ever.

Delhi Again.

Reached Delhi again today for my visa interview, things went fine and everything got completed so early as if completed with start itself. Thereafter went to see my friends and given them surprise information of me leaving India. A life is no way an easy thing to handle with and so was the tour. Started for here in a scene when my train journey ticket got canceled due to no-confirmation and reached here between heat and annoyance of too long journey as I got no other option. Anyway, it was a good day today when I met my school and college mates in a mall, got some time to share with them, recall some memories of past. Finally at my brothers place, ready to leave back to my workplace again...no other go!!!

Shattered to Pieces

Don't know why but every time in ups-and-downs of any relationship now I very easily start realising that everything has ended and no remedial thing is possible. Even start the preparation to to adjust and live with the left space. Why i am in so hurry to end-up all around and go alone don't know but one thing I feel always that nothing is going stay for long with me, atleast the people I love to live with, I can't steal time out of my life...just trying to live with the developing scenarios! how helpless and weak the past incidences of life have left me!!!

Concept of Time

Long back I read that, The concept of time, is the concept of mind! now I realise it when sometime I see the behaviour of people around me. When my mother was diagnosed for cancer at final stage people suddenly became so caring and humble about her, everyone asking how many more days. Now when the treatment seems to be working fine she is looking not just all about to go, same people are back on there regular behaviour; complaining, anguished and denying her as earlier. Shaking me! Do we need to die to get others love? Are we all just waiting to say good words, give some care and love only if it has to follow the final good-bye! Good that nobody is going to stay here forever, good so that everyone will have some good words and care before this show ends-up...

Dread of Monday Again!

Life which was running in a narrow gauge of batches after batch has bit widen to week time. Monday afternoon starts the week which don't know when suddenly ends up with Sunday morning. No Fresh air, no extra desire, everything looks so automated that waiting for a bang to bring some flavor. Weekends bring some time and space to think beyond job but by the time eyes wide open and the blood-vessels pump in the freshness Monday returns. And the same story starts. Why there is always that dreadful Monday after the Sunday!!!

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

Its a phrase form a book for its last edition, but I came across it few days back when one of my friend directed me to listen a speech by Steve Jobs to Stanford's Scholar in 2005. the speech was all about his 3 stories of his life which were surely very inspiring but the the magical ending was the with the comment that "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish". Initially I was surprised, what it really mean to be, then i got it! If you want to grow stay hungry for knowledge, stay curious and that curiosity should be of innocent and naive. there shouldn't be anything which can guide you or make you biased in learning. And as long as you are hungry and foolish, no one stop you from achieving you goal.

Limits of Love and Degree of Friendship

We need everything measurable in this world, Success, dream desire, friendship and even the love along with the material things. And measurement brings the standardisation, degree and limits for all. How come relations of hearts can be manhandled by tools of mind I don't know. But in today's quick-start world people want everything ready made and predefined. Bad for all!
A Bashir Badr sher comes in my memory:

Parakhna Mat-Parakhne Mein Koyii Aapna Nahiin Rehta

Kissi Bhii Aaeene Mein Der Tak Chehra Nahiin Rehta

Breaking of Dream and Breaking of Desire

Its like question of burning with fire or with steam, what is more painful and hearting...Everyone seems crying some for there broken dreams as if they want to stay asleep always, others for broken desires which they made. Whatever, but anything without solid foundation and action going to break only. The Star Thrower story from Loren Eiseley which I learnt during a management program in my on job training still in my memory:

Vision without action is merely a dream.
Action without vision just passes the time
Vision with action can change the world.

Quest of the Real Self

This world, which looks to be the factory outlet of God...we keep moving in quest of some unknown destination which ends up with our end only and finally mean the same of everyone here. Are we all made to achieve different goals of life showing no synchronisation, or we all are working for the same goal, just with different part. If it is same for everyone, then what is that? Aren't we killing our own happiness by imposing more and more obligations over ourselves, of which none are natural. Culture, religion, caste, country, we want to adopt as many things as possible which make us involved in activities other than all what we want for ourself. Sometime I feel we are all although living our own life, but living someone else wishes, dreams and desires which may not value now. Anyway, atleast I know I need to look for me to realise my real self.

The Stats of Life

I was reading about the assignable and unassignable cause in stats which make the process more robust and reliable towards application. The same stats applies to the process of life were every aspect has an assignable or sometime unassignable cause towards it, and so are the people and the relationships around us. We can count dozens of people around us whom we feel to be loving us…really, isn't it? When I say love I didn't mean to the one which occurs commonly in Bollywood movies. Anyway, and against each name we can put a reason or the assignable cause of love which we feel is there. I still remember a neighboring aunty was how sweet as long as her phone call used to come at my home..We used to say it phoon ka rista, then and after it ended. So, this big list will definitely have a bigger part of these complementary names and the causes and the little few with name without unassignable cause. But contrary to other processes these unassignable ones which mean the most in process of life. Some name it as their true love and accept like that, some still keep searching the reason, the search which ends only by the time it's too late!

Nationalism fido

I big argument started in my mind few days back when in an informal discussion one of my colleague said, "the idea of nationalism is waste, how old it is, not even a few decades?". The discussion ended then and there itself but it gave me a point to think about, which I also agreed lately. Our school old pledge of...all Indians are brothers and sisters, isn't giving us a foundation for the the wall which we create in life later towards the rest of world and slowly that tendency makes us to make some more walls for insiders. It's OK that some are brothers and sisters but why aren't others. The crop of most of the terrorism across world have grown over the same soil of intellectual partitioning in our mind on the name of nationalism. Do we really need to be classified as a nation or a region or so...isn't it true that whatever, wherever we are we always like to relate ourselves with the root and the idea of bounding people from moving across globe is against humanity. In fact, any idea which allows people to differentiate themselves from other people is waste, either its religion, area, race, color or the nation itself. Only true thing which works is humanity which we really need in all of us across these thick walls.