Sleepless as never before

Don't know but since I have returned from Delhi ,there have been not a single night when i had a good sleep for even 6 hours .This inspite of exahustive day time and no sleep in between. Intially I thought its just another change because of place, may be because of yoga but as the the time is passing by and things are still the same this question comes in my mind what exactly making me to do so. I can nither forget nor forgive myself for whatever went and still going in my life. Never found as insensitive before...find myself sleeping even with open eyes.

With All Odds

Really its a great mismatch about me. In all walks of life from study, job, ethics to relation, this mismatch is the one common phenomena...which in some of my friends word is called confused personality - a dangerous symptom. Whatever, I am not worried since it is what make me different. I always hated biology and chemistry and I became a Biochemical engineer. I always had a research and analysis bent in my vision and I started my job in production where everything is locked and any deviation to it is a deficiency. I am never a believer of God but I like to listen to him and spiritual ideas are as much important to me as any other scientific idea. I always hated Bengalees and stayed away from girls for no obvious reason while making friends and truth of present is that almost all of my good friends are bengalees with a best friend a Bengali girl..and lot more odds which continue...even increasing everyday.

Kill for God, Live for God

Karl Marx's quote that "religion is the opiate of the masses" holds it significance in new world even were his major idea of communism has already lost its value and all equations have change. The Mumbai blasts have prove that even in a country like India where our thousands of years of culture and civilisation has reinforced the spiritualism and humanity in living, where people get get up with a name of God and sleep with the same, people are not safe from those who Kill for God. No God says or allows the killing of a innocent but this fight for killing and living for the God persists because of ideas of few people to rule the world with on there own conditions.

Ceasefire with God

The chase for success continues and so do the real time hurdles and problems all where in life. I always had a thought that I can win though all odds; manly or heavenly. I don't know weather I never believed in God or always tried to pretend it of. I have being purist, a lover of Krishna not as a god but more of my friend whom I can see anytime for my problem, his Bhagwad Gita to guide me in my life. Then came the time to realise the real heat of life when bundles of problems started coming and cobbing into each other. Thanks my friend was always there with me to give me wisdom and path to follow. I definitely have not turned into theist but surely find my self more loving and closer to nature.

At Last...

After long time good news have started coming to me...Kankana's selection in IIT was the opener one, followed by a word that my mothers blood reports are showing improvements in her health rather than worsening of the situation which although gave only a little hope but in such a time when I was starved for a one good news everything seems to be a blockbuster to me. Don't know how much success our faith is going to get for us but atleast some reversal of situation which had developed all around gives me the hope! hope that things will be alright again for everyone.

SOS!!!

Last day events have affected my life badly, so badly that I am responding skeptical about every thing around. Don't know probably because of an afraid of getting alone without my mother who was always there to care and protect me. Now I see myself questioning everything, everytime which earlier I use to skip...so much resistant to change that sometime just like to close my ears, when find myself helpless. I can feel the fissures of my heart full of pain, hatred and indifference. Some days have completely changed everything of my life, when I was looking for the meaning of life and was busy to make my big dream come true, life has given such a big shock that neither the life mean to me nor the dream... but finally where its all leading me to is going to be surprise.
Lets c!!!